This morning I had the privilege of watching an episode of Judge Judy. It was heart-wrenching battle between two loving individuals over the ownership of a springer spaniel. The original owner of the dog (let's call him Pepper) had lost Pepper only to be apparently found by another person in their neighbourhood. The plaintiff claimed that Pepper was rightfully theirs whereas the defendant argued that this was not their dog, but a different 'Pepper' altogether. I could only imagine the emotional trauma that Pepper was suffering during this cataclysmic 15-minute courtroom battle.

Judge Joe Brown, Judge Judy, The Peoples Court, Divorce Court. They're all over the television dial. (I understand "the television dial is an outdated concept, but you get what I mean. Right?) Believe it or not, these are very popular shows. I mean if they were not, why would there be so many of them? People love the real life drama of the courtroom. The OJ trial had people hooked daily to CNN to find out if this former NFL star was the one responsible for the grisly murders and why the hell was Kato Kaelin living with him? This event garnered humongous ratings for CNN and in my opinion spawned these newly evolved courtroom 'drama-ettes' to hit the airwaves.

Here's the basic recipe for these shows.

- take two groups of people with a minor dispute
- both groups must be comprised of one working brain cell
- place both groups in a pseudo courtroom setting
- remove all legal representation whatsoever so that defendants and plaintiffs can laughably deliver their own testimony
- add one, verbally and physically animated 'Judge-like' figure to mediate the proceedings.
- Attempt to mimic courtroom procedures as defendants and plaintiffs babble incoherently about their problems while the Judge incessantly slams the gavel, screams for order and mocks the contestants, err…I mean participants testimonies.

The legal system is not a well-oiled machine. Court cases can take months and sometimes years to come to trial. When the dispute does finally reach the courtroom the conclusion can take just as long. But at what point does a person decide that the traditional legal system does not suit their needs and would be better handled by a television show sponsored by 'Jiffy Pop'? I'm not sure that if I ever get married and eventually decide to get divorced that my best route would be to appear on 'Divorce Court'.

"Ah yes sir we would like to hear your testimony about your wife's various infidelities, but we only have two minutes left before the end of the show so please make it quick."

Being the law-abiding citizen that I am, I can only assume that entering any type of courtroom setting has to be a nerve-wracking procedure. But to compound that anxiety by appearing on national television has got to be the proverbial angst ridden icing on the cake so to speak. It doesn't really make any sense. But maybe if they were to throw in some matching Samsonite luggage….hmmmm…that would be a different story altogether.

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