"I hate pretty-looking boys. I'd rather have a guy with a potbelly than one who's in the gym all the time and watches what he eats."
I couldn't believe my eyes. This super star, who I had assumed, grown accustomed to living the exotic Hollywood lifestyle. Jet setting to foreign lands. Bumping and grinding through the LA club scene with equally famous men with their washboard stomachs, fashionable clothing and thousand dollar haircuts. But no. Apparently, despite all of the benefits that stardom had given her she still had a connection with the common man. This had to be an anomaly. Surely she must be the one rare jewel amongst a sea of vacuous and superficial female celebrities that exist in our world. I jumped from my chair and began to scour through my leather-backed collections of previous issues of Maxim interviews in order to prove my point. After careful research I found to my surprise how wrong I was. I list below some quotes from various different interviews below, equally shocking in nature.
"I've said before in interviews that I want a normal guy boyfriend,
not a celebrity"
- Tyra Banks, Super Model
"My favourite kind of date is something really casual, like burgers
and milk shakes
at a cool diner, just talking and getting to know each other."
- Katherine Heigl, Star of TV's Roswell
"I don't care for perfect teeth or chiseled features. Scars are
good."
- Shannen Doherty - That girl from Beverly Hills 90210
My mission was clear. I immediately began to pack my bags and arranged for a flight to California. If these women were looking for an average fella to romance, this humble web columnist would be there for them! As I began to carefully fold my leopard print boxer shorts, rational thought began to encompass my mind. The Hollywood machine, above and beyond the art it creates, is primarily a moneymaking industry. Funded by the ordinary individual who shells out their hard working dollars to see the magic in all its various shapes and forms that these celebrities produce. But say if I were to read an interview with say the delectable Denise Richards that went something like this.
Interviewer: So Denise, how does it feel to finally be a star!
Denise: It's fantastic! It's great to know that I'll never have to serve corn beef hash at that truck stop in Wisconsin again for three dollars and hour. Never mind the fact going out on dates with those sweaty cavemen from the dairy farm. Now wash my feet peasant!
If I were to read that, I don't think I would be too inclined to spend ten dollars on seeing "Wild Things 2 - The Revenge" despite any temptation of an increased amount of nudity or sexually suggestive scenes. Well, maybe I would. But the gist is, if any celebrity were to exhibit some kind of aloofness or special status that removes themselves from the common man their popularity would rapidly dwindle as well as their ability to make the big bucks. Therefore in order to maintain their privileged status they must LIE! That's right all celebrities are LIARS! Do you actually think that once someone begins making million dollars a year that they actually begin to worry about their roots? I don't think so. While they're purchasing their new Ferrari's I doubt they're even wondering how their former church congregations bake sale is going this year. NO! So eliminate all of those Cinderella dreams of Nicole Kidman falling in love with those factory-working hands of yours because it's not going to happen. *Whimper*. I guess I'd better cancel those airline tickets. *SOB*.
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or mail to:christian@boldopinion.com
