Let me type that again. I am a handsome man. Look carefully at the picture that graces the top of this article. Try not to stare at it too closely, lest you get hypnotized by the intensity of my deep, piercing eyes. I'm sure you're wondering to yourself…"Why have I not seen this face gracing the covers of fashion magazines or French kissing Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz on the silver screen?" Ahhhhh, such vain pursuits are not for a man such as me. I am a man of modesty, intelligence, virility and wit. When I enter a room, my presence can be felt by everyone, from the front door to the back wall. But alas, I suffer from one fatal flaw. "Fatal flaw? How can a man of modesty, intelligence, virility and wit have any flaws whatsoever? It cannot be true," you must be saying to yourself. Unfortunately it is true. For all my modesty, intelligence, virility and wit, I suffer from the greatest of afflictions to plague a portion of the male species. I have difficulty approaching the fairer sex with romantic inclinations in a social setting. I should explain.

Courtship rituals in today's society are becoming more and more complicated. Different techniques and approaches that vary depending on the situation. The numerous factors that come into play in any given situation: lighting, personal odor, stance, eye contact, etc., etc. But at the core of any "romantic dance" that is about to take place, there is one key issue that is necessary to have any chance of success, one important element that must be initiated so that the "tango of love" can begin. Speaking. In most situations it is to your advantage to actually exchange words with a woman in order to successfully begin any courtship ritual. Words such as "Hello, my name is Christian, what's yours?" or "Do you enjoy the efforts of our local sports team this season?" or "That is quite a lovely hat you have on." It is in this regard I seem to have the greatest problem. Not to say that I cower in the corner in fear, avoiding all contact with the female species. Not at all. My affliction seems to originate in the pathways of communication between my brain and my vocal chords. When attempting to make "first contact," so to speak, despite the numerous rehearsals within my brain. "May I have the pleasure of buying you a drink?" or some other clever opening line, somehow transforms itself into "Izzat good beer you're drinkin'?" or "So do you like…umm…stuff?"

There is no known cure for this condition and only in the rarest of situations am I able to overcome it. I have pondered for days at a time trying to think of a solution to this heinous of disabilities. Until one day it came to me, like a glimmer of sunlight breaking through the clouds.

We live in the 21st century. Human beings have evolved from the most primitive of creatures to become the dominant species on the planet earth, if not the universe. As we have evolved, so have our technology, knowledge, and science. However, there is one area that has not evolved as quickly as the rest and that is our courtship rituals. For eons, the male has been the instigator in the pursuit of romantic conquest. Why is this? Has the female species not established themselves as our equals, if not our betters in some aspects of today's society? I think so. The time has come for women all around the world to pull up their bootstraps and boldly step forth as an equal player in this confusing ballet of love. I know some of you are out there. You Oprah Winfrey's and Sally Jesse Rafaelogo's, but there has to be more of you. I dream of the day when I can stand confidently at a bar and have a beautiful woman walk up to me and say, "If I told you that you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" Then my torment can finally end.

Got Something You wanna say to this Guy? Say it Here!or mail to:christian@boldopinion.com

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