N'Syncski In Spaceski? - Poor old Lance Bass still hasn't made his foray into the outer reaches of Earth's atmosphere yet. In fact according to the Russian Space Agency, Lance still has to pony up the 20 million smackers in order to make the trip. Can somebody please help this poor guy out? Maybe a telethon of some sort? How often do we have the opportunity to put a boy band member in a rocket and launch him into outer space? Hey, maybe if we come up with enough money we can send the whole band! Dare to dream! Come on people lets work together on this one, we can't let this opportunity go to waste. I can hear the countdown now,"5…4…all systems at 100 percent…3….2…1…we have liftoff!" and for the first time in human history an entire planet cheers in unison.
I Miss You Red Ketchup - Probably my most heartfelt piece. The tragic transformation of a classic condiment into a veritable sideshow freak on the picnic table. The scientists at Heinz Co. haven't been holding back though. After the success of purple ketchup, Heinz is now releasing three new ketchups! Hooray! Zesty Garlic, Hot & Spicy and Smoky Mesquite. Congratulation, Heinz you've just invented BBQ sauce. I knew you could do it. Apparently Heinz is not stopping there, they've got a new condiment coming out that combines the ingredients water, vinegar, seeds, tarragon, salt, citric acid, potassium metabisulfite and natural flavors. It will be yellow paste like substance, suitable for hamburgers, sandwiches and hot dogs. They can't think of a name for it right now. Some of the suggestions have been made such as "Sunny Zesty Ketchup" or possibly "Mustard."
Coke, Popcorn With Extra Butter, And A Banana - It's been a bleak season for all you monkey movie fans out there. Although there have been rumours of "Lord Of The Rings" director helming a remake of "King Kong." Hey there's a fantastic idea. It's only been remade once all ready. Maybe this time it will end differently. In this version, Kong actually escapes from being killed by the military and actually lives happily ever after with the woman he carries up the skyscraper, spawning the anxiously anticipated sequel, "Big Ass Monkey in The Burbs." I think Billy Crystal would be perfect to play the wacky next-door neighbour.
Neighbour: Say Kong you happen to see that big bag of bananas I left on my front lawn?
At this point the gigantic computer generated gorilla looks upwards, shrugs his shoulders and accidentally sneezes out a banana peel right on top of Billy Crystals face.
Neighbour: Oh, Kong! You wacky, wacky monkey you!
What time is Big Brother's Survivor Island Cruise On? - At the time I wrote this article, little did I know that Survivor, The Mole, Temptation Island and Big Brother were only drops in the bucket compared to the amount of shows that have been released recently. Now they're all over the place. More Survivor, more Big Brother. The Osbournes, The Bachelor, The Anna Nicole Smith Show, Bachlorettes In Alaska, American Idol, the list is endless and there is still more to come. Liza Minelli and her 'husband' have their own reality show coming out that will not show any scenes in the bedroom or the bathroom. I have a few suggestions for some other rooms they should stay out of as well. Let's see, how about the kitchen, the living room, the dining room, the attic, the front hall, the balcony, the hall closet and any other rooms in their home I've forgotten to mention. It is plainly obvious that the reality show concept will not be going away anytime soon.
Once again another article to be added to the vast resource known as the Bold Opinion archives. Chock full of opinionated goodness covering every topic under the sun. All of them well deserving of more than a casual glance. Read them all. The caustic wit of Downs's What The F*@k's, Andrew's insights on the foibles of human nature, Michael's views on a myriad of interesting topics and we can't forget the sarcastic sage-like advice of Dr.Know. Don't even get me started on our many reader opinions. It's been a great year and I'm sure it's only the beginning of many more. Now if you'll excuse me I have to look into booking my vacation to Greenland. The seal hunting season is about to start and I ain't gonna miss it!
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