So I had decided to pay a visit to one of my fellow Boldopinion.com writers. We had made plans to sing at the hospital before we went out collecting clothes and non-perishable rations for the homeless…a typical Saturday night. When I got to his house I parked my environmentally conscience hybrid car at the some-what scary and dirty parking lot I usually use and started walking to his apartment. I noticed a new sign attached to the dilapidated shed that was normally occupied by the lot attendant. The sign said four dollars and something about no one parking for free. I approached the dirty little shanty and got my money ready. There was no attendant!?! I tried to slide my money through the window, under the door, I ever tried stapling it to the exterior of the building with a makeshift staple gun I constructed using a few rocks, a shoelace, and some pieces of ice I had found on the ground. It was no use I couldn't pay. In shame I walked away with feelings of guilt in the pit of my stomach. I had some relief in the knowledge that I usually pay the gentleman before I leave in the morning, after a night of hardcore volunteering.

You can imagine my surprise when I went out to retrieve my vehicle and it was nowhere to be found. I was distraught. After pulling myself together, and helping an elderly women cross the street, twice, I called the towing company that was posted in blood on the side of the little child molester shack. Thank the good lord above that they had my car. I was a bit panicked; I had to make it home so I could help out at the school for the blind.

I arrive at the towing company after walking for three miles in a blizzard, uphill. The fuc…um, guy tells me it's gonna be 100 bucks.
I'm like 'what?'
And he's like 'hundred bucks.'
So I was like 'Sir it was only 4 dollars to park at the lot.'
And he was like 'Bite me, I had to tow your piece of shit car, you fairy.'
This continued for about 30 minutes when finally, after I released him from my kung-fu death grip…I mean after I paid the nice man, he showed me where my car was. This was not a great start to my day. Then, the kicker, there's a freaking parking ticket on my car! Not only did I have to pay ass-munch 100 bucks to tow my car like thirty feet, I have to pay a 30-dollar parking ticket? What a crock. Talk about rubbing a little salt in that wound. I mean the guy is so lazy that he won't sit at his little house of porn parking lot shack so I can pay him, or wait until the next day and collect my money, but he'll get off his fat corn chip eating butt to call the towing company? Jerk.

Well kids, what have we learned today? Number one: Always pay for your parking before leaving. And two: Don't waste your time volunteering. Have a good week.

What do you think dandy-boy? You know where to find me.

or mail to: andrew@boldopinion.com
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