If there is one topic of conversation that can be discussed amicably among all races and religions it has to be the weather. You could take the most heated rivals, put them in a room and give them only one subject to talk about. The weather would be the only topic that wouldn't result in a fistfight. No one argues about the weather. I can picture British troops hunkered down in the trenches during World War I conversing with their German foes over a field of barbed wire and land mines.

British Soldier: I say, Helmut, what are the weather conditions like in your neck of the woods?

German Soldier: Well it is a little cold and damp at the moment but I hear a warm front is coming in from the south, so we may see some sunshine fairly soon. How is it in your bunker?

British Soldier: Damn near freezing I'd have to say. Apparently these temperatures are going to continue for the next few days. I think it would be in our best interest to move on to an area with more temperate climates. Maybe we should advance to your position?

German Soldier: Well, you're more than welcome to try.

British Soldier: Smashing! Well let me just affix my bayonet to my rifle and we'll be on our way.

German Soldier: Give me a couple of minutes, the mustard gas isn't quite ready yet.

That's the funny thing about people discussing the weather. No matter how good it is there's always that negative slant to the conversation. It could be the most beautiful day ever recorded in the history of weather (if there is such a thing) but it has to be followed up with some little tidbit of negativity.

Bob: Wow! What a day! Isn't this the most perfect day ever recorded in the history of weather? It can't get any better than this.

Wilbur: It sure can't. I've never seen a better day in all my life. It's too bad tomorrow forecast says that the entire planet is going to be 300 degrees colder and were going to be covered in a layer of molten ash.

Bob: Really? That sucks. I hate the weather.

Wilbur: Yeah, me too.

The weather satisfies no one. The weather makes everyone forget what was happening during the previous season. When it's nipple freezing cold during the winter we're all on our hands and knees praying for some kind of heat wave. As sweat drips off the end of our noses during the summer, we long for those cold winter evenings sipping hot cocoa in our log cabins. Spring and fall is pretty much a crapshoot of weather conditions so there's endless material to crap about. But we are never satisfied. It seems like the weather is a lot like politics, no matter who's in charge they don't seem to do anything right. For me personally I hate the winter. Hate it with a passion. Can't stand it. The sooner it's over the better. I've listened to many people vent their frustrations during this hated season, using words that would make a sailor blush. But the funny thing is, when summer comes around and the temperature gets just a touch higher than normal I hear these exact same people use the exact same sailor blushing words about the heat. It drives me crazy. Do you even remember what you said at the bus stop last winter through your chattering teeth? Raising your fist at the mythical god of snow and ice in frustration? I remember. This summer when my armpits start to ooze sweat like a calming fountain and my shirt is firmly stuck to my back, I will not complain. I remember what the winter was like and the summer is going to be ten times better no matter what the temperature. You asked for the heat and you're going to get the heat. Now deal with it.

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