“Excuse me perfect stranger, isn’t it a beautiful day?!”
“It sure is individual who is unknown to me on a personal basis!”
“Who could you care to dance and sing about it with me?”
“Only if I get to lead!”
LA, LA, LAAAAAA, LA, LA, LA, LAAAAAAA….

Blech. Just do the little things. That minutest bit of effort that makes the day that little bit easier to take for other people. Let me give you some examples so you know what the hell I’m talking about.

Hold Doors Open – Hold the door open for someone once in awhile you apathetic bastards? Is it really that hard? And there’s absolutely no reason why this should be a gender specific exercise. You broads can hold your own pretty well these days. Would it kill you to pitch in? It’s not that hard. Two people meet at a doorway at the same time. One’s going in before the other. Who’s it going to be? Is it going to be you the selfish prick who only thinks of his/herself or are you going to step out of character and make the magnanimous effort of holding the door open for someone else other than your own ego. The same goes for elevators. I’ve mentioned this before in a previous article and I can’t help mentioning it again. Hold the door open you goddamn button Nazi’s! I know you can see me coming wiseass! Fight the power push the open button! Help a brother out for once you larvae infested bag of mucus.

Give Thanks – It’s quick, it’s painless, it’s one friggin’ word. Thanks. Say it with me. Thanks. Want to go that extra mile? Try, thank you. Someone say’s “Have a nice day” to you. Sure it’s a person behind a cash register and just because he’s paid to say it to every goddamn customer but doesn’t give you the right to walk away and say nothing. Giving thanks isn’t that something that has to be earned for crying out loud. Saying, thanks, thank you, gracias, whatever is one way of saying I know how to function like a normal person in society. Unless they’re acting like a complete and utter moron then don’t say thank you or maybe you could say it dripping with sarcasm. But other than that? Say it. You’re at the pharmacy and the pharmacist hands you your prescription of super-extra-strength hemorrhoid cream, say thanks. Want fries with that lardass? Why yes, yes I would, thank you.

The Wave – This has got to be my biggest friggin’ pet peeve of all. If people don’t do this my blood begins to boil. Veins I didn’t even know I had begin popping out of my forehead. It’s the kind of thing that pisses you off so much that you begin to make up curse words you’re so angry.

“Hey! You patulic thing of kirkenbockers! Carpity carp carp crap! Gonzers!”

If I’m driving in my car during rush hour traffic and I allow you to change lanes in front of me, I expect something. If I have to slow down, holding up traffic behind me just to let you get in front of me Soccer Mom, I’ll be looking for something. I need it. I want it. I’ve got to have it. It lasts barely a second but it makes all the difference. I need to see that hand of yours pop up and wave back in appreciation. I need that acknowledgement. I need to know that it was my effort that got you into this lane and that you greatly appreciate it. If I’m in the right lane at a stoplight and I see someone signaling behind me that they want to turn, I’ll stick my nose out as far as it will go so that person behind me can make their turn without waiting. But I’d better see it. If you make that turn and don’t raise your hand up in a half-ass manner of appreciation, whoa nelly! I’m going to be saying unbelievably horrible things about you that you won’t even hear. How hard is it? Little frickin’ wave? For crying out loud just do it! Even if you don’t want to, do it! You’ll make world a better place. Solve world hunger. Do it you selfish, insufferable, motorist bastards.