Disclaimer - Right from the start, let me just write this. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to pull an opinion out this article, but when I heard about this organization, the very gravitational pull of the earth itself would not be able to keep me from writing something on this topic.

Arbor day, Remembrance day, Mothers day and now World Toilet Day. Yes, World Toilet Day! Doesn’t the sound of those words just roll of the tongue? World Toilet Day. A Happy World Toilet Day to you! Oh, thank you, Happy World Toilet Day to you and please don’t shake my hand.

Created by those fantastic folks from the World Toilet Organization based in Singapore, World Toilet Day is a day for everyone to strive to be a…get ready…here it comes…a “Toilet Ambassador.” Ah, yes a Toilet Ambassador. Mother always said I would never make anything of myself but look it me now! I’m a Toilet Ambassador! Introducing the Toilet Ambassador from France, the honourable Pierre Latrine. Too much…to make.. fun of…must…stop. But don’t get me wrong. The World Toilet Organization is serious business. Read this excerpt from their World Toilet Day press release. It gives some serious tips on how to be a successful toilet ambassador.

READ!

Personally I think I’m going to print out this list, laminate it and put in my wallet. So every time I’m about to “take care of business” I’ll be ready.

“All right let’s examine the list. Toilet seat has been wiped. Check. Toilet seems to be well maintained, no need to consult the proprietor of this establishment. Note to self must congratulate toilet owner after. Check. Remember to half flush, I’ll come back to that later. Any elderly people in need of assistance about? Nope. Helpful suggestions for the toilet owner? Maybe a decorative air freshener? Treat toilet as if it’s your own at home…I’ve got my magazine right here, no problem there. Don’t stay seated for too long…well I can’t make any promises, I’ll do my best. Check. Keep floor dry by using towels or hand dryer after washing. All part of the plan, all part of the plan…tell the next person about World Toilet Day, and why its so important to carry out the nine things above. Well, it’s a good thing I’ve got these extra laminated cards. Check! All right, let’s go to work!”

The next World Toilet Summit is going to be held in Beijing next year where they will be most likely be covering hot topics discussed at the last month’s summit such as mountain toilets, trends in rural toilets and the impact of toilets on tourists' impressions of a country. All true! Honest injun! Boy oh boy would I like to be a fly on the wall for this summit.

“Hey Bill! Nice to see you again this year!”
“Edgar, always a pleasure! Can I expect to hear another scintillating lecture on wiping techniques again from you this year?”
“You better believe it! I’ve got some new procedures that are going to knock your socks off.”
“Great! Maybe we can meet back at the snack shop for some chicken wings or a burger?”
“Sounds good, I’ll arm wrestle you for the bill.”

Now before anyone starts emailing me any kind of response, know this. Do I understand that the point of these summits and this organization is to promote a healthier and sanitary planet. Yep! Do I realize the fact these kind of conferences can only help third world countries improve their health levels to a more humane level? Of course I do. Do I think any of these problems are funny? Not in the least. Do I think that an organization that has a heart shaped toilet seat incorporated in their logo is hilarious?