Male: Ok honey, I'm off to participate in that lumberjack monster truck rodeo!
Female: Have a good time!
Male: (peering into the living room.) What are you watching?
Female: (eyes hypnotized by the television screen.) "Trading Spaces".
Male: (watching the screen) Why are those people painting the walls bright orange?
Female: Because the designer told them to.
Male: But it looks horrible! How could they do that to their own home?
Female: It's not their home it's their neighbours.
Male: (sits down) What? Where the hell are their neighbours?
Female: They're decorating their bedroom.
Male: Uh huh. Don't the neighbours know that they're destroying their living room?
Female: Nope. No idea. They won't find out until the end of the show.
Male: (grabs some chips.) Really…and then what happens?
Female: Then you get to see their reactions.
Male: Wow. Do they fight?
Female: No, but I've seen people cry before.
Male: (puts feet up.) Cool.
Female: Didn't you have to go somewhere?
Male: (grabs another mouthful of chips.) Yeah in a minute. Aww, c'mon! That velvet-covered chair totally disrupts the feng shui of the whole living space. Oh their neighbours are going to be totally pissed when they see this.

There are certain channels on the television dial that I instinctively skip past. The country music channel is one, unless there's a scantily clad female wearing a cowboy hat singing, then I might watch for a little bit with the mute button firmly pressed. The Home And Garden channel is definitely another one I avoid, mainly because the only person that seems to show up on this channel is Martha Stewart. Just seeing her for a mere second sends shivers down my spine. Brrrr. Food Network, don't watch it. Unless they have some new recipes for microwaved hot dogs I think I'll pass. Up until recently The Learning Channel was another channel that had definitely made my list of "must avoid TV." That was until "she" came into the picture. It's funny how your habits seem to quickly change once a woman steps into your comfortable single male existence. You tend to be a bit more aware of the cleanliness of your bachelor pad, your focus on your appearance tends to be a bit more meticulous and most importantly your television viewing habits tend to change. If you're going to watch television with a woman, you're going to become quickly familiar with this word, "compromise." You will not be able to watch what you used to. The shows you watch together will not include body slams, high-speed car chases or yellow animated characters. This will be television unlike anything you've seen before. It is definitely a strange new world. The first question you'll ask yourself is, "Why the hell am I watching this? I don't watch this. Isn't Die Hard on somewhere? Anywhere?" But then you realize that you must watch. To prove to your woman that you're sensitive and open to her interests you will watch. You'll watch, make sarcastic comments for a little while and then something unusual will happen. You didn't see it coming, but there it is. Despite all of your instincts to feel otherwise, all your attempts to deny these feelings you come to a startling conclusion. This show ain't half bad. Don't feel bad, it happened to me too.

For me it was "Trading Spaces". At first I was making off-handed comments about the questionable sexuality of the male interior decorators. I mean come on, what heterosexual male knows the intricacies of Venetian plaster or gold leaf? Then as I watched more episodes I started getting into it. Not the actual aesthetics of interior design, but just a gut reaction to what looked like crap and what didn't. I laughed as neighbours cannibalized formerly comfortable living spaces for the sake of design. I couldn't wait to see the neighbour's reaction as their former bedroom had been altered to resemble some kind of Freudian nightmare. I hate to admit it, but it was actually kind of fun to watch.

Now don't get me wrong. I still have my limits. I'm nowhere near the point of taping episodes of "The View" or rushing home to watch episodes of Oprah. I mean I'm still all man. Trust me. I mean it's all about compromise. If I sit down to watch a couple of back-to-back episodes of "Trading Spaces", it's only fair that I get to watch the Clint Eastwood marathon on TBS. Holy crap, what time is it? Geez, 'While You Were Out" is coming on in a couple of minutes, I mean…umm… "Dirty Harry." Ahem, until next time Bold Opinionites!

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