It used to be such a simple word and it was used simply. You would be sitting at a table with a couple of buddies on a Friday night and order a pitcher of beer. Pitcher comes, you pour out the glasses, raise them up, say something like, "Thank goodness it's Friday" or "This is sure gonna taste good!" or "Let's get pissed", you clink your glasses and say? What do you say? You know what you're supposed to say. So why don't you say it? The word you're looking for is CHEERS. Yes, CHEERS. You clink your glasses, say cheers and take a drink. That was it. Simple. For the rest of the evening you did not have to say that word again. Unless you're playing that popular party game, "Ted Danson's Old TV Shows" it would be highly unlikely that you would have to utter that word again. Well not anymore apparently. It seems like every bar you go to these days, it's about the only thing you can say. Do you need any change? No, keep it. CHEERS. My wife will have a tossed salad and I'll have the Texas smoked halibut. CHEERS. Excuse me where's the bathroom? Down the hall and to your left. CHEERS. Now, I'm pretty damn sure this is a British thing. I don't know what the hell is going on over there or how long they've been doing it, but somehow a traditionally simple toast has now apparently replaced the words "thank you." If I'm in a pub or some hole in the wall bar, I can deal with this monumental problem. If I have to walk up to the bar, order a pint and say cheers sixteen or seventeen times a night, fine not a problem. Wait did I type sixteen or seventeen? Sorry, I meant…ahhh….one or two. It's not really that big of a deal. Half the time I don't even think about it. But when it begins to exist outside the realm of a drinking establishment, that's when I start to get worried and dear readers, I am a bit worried. It's already happening. I have received emails that instead of ending with "sincerely" or "regards" now end with Cheers! Someone asked me for directions the other day and instead of saying thank you, he said Cheers! I felt like grabbing him but the front shirt and yelling at him, "Hey man, were outside! There's no bar here! Do you see a bar? Save that Cheers! garbage for your friggin' pub monkey boy!" Well maybe I wasn't that annoyed but it kind of caught me off guard for a second.

This whole pub-speak thing is breaking into my everyday language patterns. Is this a passing fad? Or am I witnessing the slow evolution of a new acceptable form of thanks. I hope not. I mean I what the hell does this mean for future generations? I can see the future now. It's Christmas morning and I'm 113 years old. I'm sitting in my hover chair watching my thirty-two great-grandchildren opening up the presents I gave them. They're all incredibly happy with their gifts until their parents have to remind them, "Children! What do you say to Grandpapa when he gives you a present?" Of course my robotic ears will be stung with high-pitched squeals of thirty-two great-grandchildren screaming in unison…"CHEERS GRANDPAPA!!" I can't wait. Ciao.

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