March 8th, 2004

This is a call to all celebrities.

We're not gonna take it. NO! We ain't gonna take it. We're not gonna take it…anymorreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Let's dish shall we?

Where do we start? Hmmm…is that criminal mastermind Martha Stewart over there?

Martha Stewart guilty, could face jail time
A jail cell, whatever its dimensions, should be as bright and full of possibilities as the criminal in residence. Choose furnishings that will encourage and lift the spirits of the prosecuted felon. For example, dress up your cot with a slip covered headboard. A simple fabric cover can refinish the cast iron frame of your tattered, narrow bed. As well, to avoid getting shived by fellow cellmates, create a weekly craft day to help the bitches accessorize. Teaching the other prisoners how to make button napkin rings or monogrammed tea cozies could prove rewarding.

Snoop Dogg gives up weed
Is there a new drug out there that we don't know about?

Charlize Theron to get her own jewel
Oscar winning actress Charlize Theron is set to have a gem stone named after her. I for one, say it's about bloody time. Could this have taken any longer? I was beginning to get worried geologists had completely overlooked Charlize. These days it seems it takes a girl winning the oscar for best actress before they even consider naming a jewel after her? Just madness.

Dick Clark Productions sued for age discrimination
Isn't that an oxymoron? Dick Clark and Productions?

Enrique Iglesias impressed by independent, waterskiing women
Latin singer Enrique Iglesias says he likes independent women who don't mind waterskiing in the middle of the night. It's not a woman's self reliance or freedom from the guidance of others that attracts Enrique so much, but rather the independence she displays when waterskiing all hours of the night. Do you even think before you talk anymore Enrique? Was that giant mole of yours attached to your friggin' brain? New rule, stop singing AND talking.

Sarah Michelle Gellar won't work with her husband Freddie Prinze Jr. again
Well, that would make about everyone now…

ZING! Take that Hollywood.

...but that's just my opinion.

Piss off your pal! Send this article to a friend

Got something to say about this article? Say it Here! or mail to michael@boldopinion.com

Click here to see more articles by this Author!