February 9th, 2004

Overture, curtain, lights.
This is it. The night of nights…
No more rehearsing or nursing a part
We know every part by heart!

Overture, curtain, lights.
This is it. We'll hit the heights…
And oh, what heights we'll hit
On with the show, this is it!

Let's dish shall we?

Where do we start? Hmmm…Is that Paris Hilton using up more of her fifteen minutes?

Paris Hilton tries to take goat on a plane
Socialite and flavour of the moment, Paris Hilton was recently thrown off a plane leaving Las Vegas for trying to take a goat on board. The Simple Life star reportedly also had a monkey and a ferret when she turned up for the flight. She had a goat with her? Righttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. Well, she's still rich. I'd still do her.

Nicole Kidman still looking for love, whatever it is
Actress Nicole Kidman claims she is still looking for love even though she doesn't know what it is. Fer Christ sakes Nic, Forrest frickin' Gump even knew what love was? Get a clue momma!

TV viewer sues Janet Jackson over boob
Terri Carlin, a 47 year old Knoxville bank employee has launched a civil action on behalf of all Americans against Janet Jackson and CBS, saying that the star's breast exposure "seriously injured" American children. It is still undetermined how brain damaged Terri Carlin actually is. Sources have not yet confirmed whether Carlin is very retarded or just really, really, really retarded.

Britney wanted to see what it was like to be married
When explaining her annulled Las Vegas wedding, pop princess Britney claimed she dearly loves ex-husband Jason Alexander and married him to find out what it was like. Spears apparently found out all she needed to know within just 55 hours. Evidently this swift exploratory marriage technique is quite common in Hollywood. It's called the Shannon Doherty procedure.

Star Trek captain doesn't like space travel
Patrick Stewart who played Captain Jean Luc Picard on Star Trek: The Next Generation thinks interplanetary travel is a bad idea. All this and more on next weeks "Who gives a shit!"

Hasselhoff miffed for lack of credit for fall of Berlin wall
David Hasselfhoff complained to museum curators after finding his photo absent in a collection of memorabilia about the fall of the Berlin wall. The former Knight Rider star claims in 1989, the year the wall fell, he had helped reunite the country by singing "Looking for freedom" among millions of German fans at a concert. This just in…David Hasselhoff is on drugs! A lot of hard, mind altering drugs!

ZING! Take that Hollywood.

...but that's just my opinion.

Piss off your pal! Send this article to a friend

Got something to say about this article? Say it Here! or mail to michael@boldopinion.com

Click here to see more articles by this Author!