November 17th , 2003

Lights, camera….ACTION!!!!!!!!!

Let’s dish shall we?

Where do we start? Hmmm…hey what’s this about the Matrix kinda not being so…good?

The Matrix Revolutions disappoints
The third and final film in the Matrix series has been received with an overwhelming amount of disappointment from fans. Like the previous sequel Reloaded, Revolutions failed to live up to the hefty expectations placed on it by the devoted Matrix fanbase. Though both films were filled with fantastic special effects and moments of inspired creativity, it was clearly evident that the films writer/directors, the Wachowski brothers, couldn’t conceive a story to follow up the original. To say that they always envisioned the Matrix as a trilogy is absolute bullshit. The first film worked not just because it had dynamite special effects and Carrie-Ann Moss in leather, but rather for its innovative and mind bending story. The original film was created and completed as an autonomous story. Only after the first films enormous success do I dare say the filmmakers thought to make a sequel. The two new films have the dynamite special effects, Carrie-Ann Moss in leather and even the stunning Monica Bellucci to boot, what they don’t have is an engaging story. Or even a logical one at times. To be quite honest the third film doesn’t even provide an acceptable conclusion to the series. It is painfully obvious the Wachowski brothers had no idea where they were going with this story. Do you think it might have had something to do with overextending themselves for the past couple years? It wasn’t enough that they make a sequel, it had to be two sequels, and they have to be filmed at the same time. In addition they thought it was necessary to make a set of animated short stories that would serve as further background and they would also help create the accompanying video game that would tie into the sequels. No one can deny the ambitiousness of this project, but you know if they had worried more about simply making a good movie rather then creating a cross platform marketing program they may have not killed their own franchise.

Christian Slater requires stitches after fight with his wife
Dude got beat up by a girl. What a pussy.

FEDS seize Baldwin’s directorial debut
Alec Baldwin says his film “The Devil and Daniel Webster” which was his directorial debut will never be seen because it has been seized by federal authorities. Damn, this thing must be really, really bad. Seized by federal authorities?!?! At least the other Baldwin brothers movies go straight to video.

Madonna kept kisses secret from daughter
The material mom Madonna claims she kept her kisses with Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera secret from her seven year old daughter Lourdes. Makes sense, you wouldn’t want to corrupt the poor child. Sources further say in order to not expose her daughter to the exploits of her career, Madonna will have Lourdes live in a bubble blindfolded until she is 48.

Michael Jackson whipped as a child
In a recent television interview, Michael Jackson’s father says he never beat his son but admits that he whipped him. In another story, the dictionary has just confirmed that the word beat means “to punish by hitting or WHIPPING”.

Britney say it’s good to masturbate and for girls to talk about it
God bless you Britney Spears. Isn’t she a peach? You are truly a ray of sunshine in this dark, cold world. Say masturbate again!

ZING! Take that Hollywood.

…but that’s just my opinion.

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