June 16th, 2003
Today's Tinseltown Mudsling is brought to you by the letter "A" and by the number "4".
Let's dish shall we?
Where do we start? Hmmm…Do my eyes deceive me? Is that the dude from That 70's Show making out with Demi Moore?!!?
Demi Moore dating Ashton Kutcher
The couple making all the buzz lately in Hollywood (buzz tends to last for about two days tops. So enjoy it while it lasts lovebirds!) is 41 year old screen beaut Demi Moore and 25 year old upstart Ashton Kutcher. Yes, Kelso is banging Demi Moore. Well done. It seems rather obvious that Ms. Moore who has been laying low for the past few years is clearly having a mid life crisis. But damn if she doesn't look stunning huh? I don't care about plastic surgery…the woman has had three children. On that note, how weird must that be for Demi's daughters Rumer, Scout, and Tallulah? (Umm don't ask about the names, just keep reading). They must have pictures of mommy's new boyfriend on their bedroom walls? "Mom, that silly guy from That 70's Show is so hot!". "You think pumpkin…? Well, great…cause he is gonna be your new Daddy!"
Elvis was an Anne Murray Fan
Probably didn't need to know that…
J'Lo fires management team
Jennifer Lopez has been on a firing spree lately axing her talent agency Endeavor, her publicist and her manager of whom she was worked with for five years. Most think this reorganization of her management team is damage control for her poor public image. Alright J'Lo if you need help cleaning up your image, you have come to the right place. I work fast and I'm dirt cheap. Here we go: Dump Affleck. Actually look at the scripts before you sign on the dotted line. Get off your high horse. Dump Affleck…oh I said that already…well, stop making movies with Affleck then. Lose the diva attitude. And never…and I repeat never sing the line "I'm still Jenny from the block" again.
"From Justin To Kelly" ready to hit the big screen
American Idol's Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson's feature film debut is set to be released on June 20th 2003. Word to the wise, watch the box office grosses that weekend with a sharp eye as the future of the film industry hangs in the balance based off the success or failure of this movie. If this film is even remotely successful my friends, we are all in for dark, dark times. If this piece of marketing concocted bullshit actually pulls a profit, just think of the horrors that will be unleashed. Blind Date: The Movie starring Roger Lodge! Ruben and Clay take Manhattan. The Bachelorette's Trista in Showgirls 2. (Actually that may not be half bad?) Joe Millionaire's Evan Marriott in a big budget remake of Arthur. Richard Hatch in the next Spiderman movie. God help us all. Pray for a box office dud. Say it with me…box office dud!!!!
Posh Spice seen as the power behind husband David Beckham's throne
You don't say…ALL the power? As in she is the one pulling the strings behind the soccer God? Great Caesars ghost! Someone alert the pentagon! Posh is the power behind Bekham's throne!!!!! Who has the time to even ponder this thought…really?
Defunct Rosie O'Donnell Show Sued
The Rosie O'Donnell show which has since gone off the air was sued for $3 million by a 71-year-old widow who says she was hit in the mouth by a rubber ball at a 2001 taping of the show. God damn…I couldn't even make up something better than that. That is priceless. Thank you reality…thank you very, very much.
Zing! Take that Hollywood!
…but that's just my opinion.
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