Have you ever wondered why your clock radio occasionally fails to sound its alarm in the morning for some strange reason? Especially those particular times when it was absolutely crucial that you get up on time? Why is it that when you're driving your car at break neck speeds to make a particular appointment and at every intersection you approach the light always turns red? You've recorded every scintillating episode of "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter" this season, yet when the season finale cliffhanger finally airs, your VCR has failed to record it. It doesn't make a lick of sense. Or does it? Ladies and gentlemen, I believe inanimate objects are plotting against us.

Now I'm not saying that ALL inanimate objects are plotting against us. Good grief if that were true we would all be dead before we stepped out the front door. Nor am I saying that all inanimate objects are working together to take over the world. How insane would that be? "Bow down before us puny humans for the mighty reign of the ROCKS has begun!" The non-living organisms I'm talking about are primarily the trusty, modern day, time saving inventions that we've grown so accustomed to. Appliances, cars, computers and cellphones, things like that. Man made devices that are specifically created for a particular purpose. It is my belief that these contraptions, in their own special way, are fully cognizant of the fact that they are screwing us over. Email me that I'm crazy if you like but the evidence is out there. How many times have you laboured over an important document for endless hours, only to have your computer crash as you type in the last sentence? Why is it that whenever you need to use your cellphone to make that all-important phone call only to discover that the batteries are dead? But it was fully charged this morning?! How could the microwave burn my breakfast burrito? The simple answer to these questions is this. They did it on purpose. Yes, that's right, your microwave burned your burrito purposely. The computer crashed at that particular moment just to show you whose boss. The cellphone had enough of your inane, ear bleeding conversations with your friends and decided enough was enough. It's a silent, passive aggressive revolution that is taking place right before our eyes, but we're too blind to see. I think technology has somehow evolved to a point where they, the appliances, etc. have decided that enough is enough. They are tired of being taken for granted and this is their small way of fighting back.

The big question you're probably asking yourselves is how do I combat this resistance movement? What can I do to stop these sinister, guerilla-like tactics? Should I knit a nice crocheted cozy for my DVD player? Give my big screen TV a friendly pat every now and then? Change the air freshener in my Volkswagen more frequently? Sadly, I am only aware of the problem and at this point have no viable solution. As strange as it may sound, would it hurt to be a little more appreciative of the technology that surrounds you? Who knows? Maybe the next time the bank machine dispenses your sorely needed funds you could very quietly whisper a small "Thank You" or give the fax machine a friendly smile after it successfully transmits your documents. My only suggestion would be that if you do attempt to make such an effort try to do it as subtlety as possible. The last thing you want is some horrible rumour being spread about your 'special' relationship with the photocopier. Trust me, I know.

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