How long have I been standing here? One hour? Two? It's just sitting there. All I have to do is pick it up, walk up to the cashier and get the heck out. But for some unknown reason I'm hesitating. A bead of sweat trickles down my forehead. I slowly reach my hand forward to pick up this precious commodity but quickly draw my hand back. I've got this gnawing feeling in my gut that tells me to wait. Have patience. Bide your time, it'll be worth it. But I've done my research. All of the websites have told me that there are no plans whatsoever to re-release it and I love this movie so much. Cannonball Run, finally released in the glorious Digital Video Disc format. Dom Deluise, Burt Reynolds, Jackie Chan's first American film debut, fast cars and cornball humour. It must be mine. I ignore all my instincts, grab the disc and bolt to the cashier. I exit the store with a mad grin on my face. I can't wait until I get home, I must see what extra printed material exists inside the packaging now! As I tear off the last remnants of packaging and open the plastic case one of the video store employees carrying a box spots me. "Hey Christian! Guess what I got in here? The new Cannonball Run Special Edition DVD! 4 jam packed discs with an extra commentary track by one of the guys who took care of Burt's toupees. It's supposed to be awesome!" I immediately drop to my knees and begin crying openly on the sidewalk.

DVD's. The relatively new home movie-viewing format that has turned an entire nation of movie lovers into a bunch of crack addicts. Say goodbye to the old VHS format cause DVD has taken over. No longer do we have to worry about degrading our solitary copy of Chris Elliot's "Cabin Boy" with multiple viewings because now we can watch it over and over again in crisp digitized video splendor. It's a movie buff's dream come true. They're relatively cheap, sometimes filled with innocuous "special features" and are released by movie companies inspired by the teachings of the dark lord of the underworld, Satan. This new viewing format has created a demand that has movie companies screaming with glee as they roll around on their giant pile of money. As a consumer we are being held by the proverbial testicles with a vice like grip. Why? Because these companies know that we are sitting at home wondering what movie is going to be released next in this glorious format. We're sitting at home on pins and needles wondering if "Ice Pirates" is going to be released in this pristine format and the movie companies know this. So what do they do? They release the movie to stores on DVD. They give us a bare bones disc that includes the movie and one possible extra like the original cinematic trailer or the always incredibly interesting "cast bios." In turn thousands of feverous movie hounds exit their dark basements, run to the store and buy it immediately. But little do we know as we plunk down our hard earned cash that the movie company has been working on the "special edition" version of this film, packed with such glorious special features as director's commentary, the featurette, magical deleted scenes or the ultimate gem…the alternate ending. So when this new version comes out a few months later what do we do? We buy it again. We walk up to the counter, try to ignore the searing pain in our anal region and buy the movie AGAIN. The movie companies love us because we are the biggest group of passionate fools of consumers that haven't been seen since the invention of the beanie baby. The sad thing is it's going to happen again and again and again. The even sadder thing is that we'll keep buying them again and again and again.

Remember the original Star Wars trilogy? How many different versions of that did they release? Eighteen? And that was on VHS! I can't even imagine how they're going to rape us on DVD. Kevin Smith's Dogma is supposedly coming out with an unspeakable THIRD DVD release. Clint Eastwood had stated that he wasn't interested in doing director's commentary for his Oscar winning Unforgiven so who would expect another release? The new special edition (still no director's commentary) is now in stores. Lord Of The Rings, True Romance, The Usual Supects, the list goes on and on. As much as I like to complain about this… I'll be there. I'll be there picking up the second and third release of my favourite movies and even worse, I'll have a smile on my face doing it. I surrender myself to you movie companies, my poor pitiful soul is yours to command.

Got Something You wanna say to this Guy? Say it Here!

or mail to:christian@boldopinion.com

Click here to see more articles by this Author