Poppa Smurf Vs. Gargamel In A Steel Cage!
Many things had changed since I had been here last. What had once been a land filled with amusement and wonder had now changed into something radically different. This was definitely not the place I remember from my youth. I bore witness to endless battles. Unassuming combatants that waged war against each other in frenzied skirmishes. Unparalleled carnage. Heated words. Punching. Kicking. Blow after blow. And for what? To be crowned champion? To become king of the world? To finally be known as the best of the best? A solitary tear rolls down onto my cheek. It wasn't always like this. Why does it have to be this way? Does no one remember how it used to be? I don't think I'll be able to watch Saturday morning cartoons ever again.

What in the blue hell has happened to Saturday morning cartoons? Have you seen the animated shlock they're throwing into the faces of today's youngsters? This new wave of pseudo Japanese anime half hour crapfests that is penetrating the impressionable minds of our children. I'm talking about these Yu-Gi-Oh's, Digimon's, Pokemon's, Fighting Foodon's and Beyblade crap that is trying to pass itself off as animated entertainment. Oh you're not familiar with these shows? Well let me give you a brief synopsis of what these shows are all about. Think about the cinematic classic "Bloodsport." But instead of Jean-Claude Van Damme, substitute him with some large eyed kid, with crazy hair and a baseball cap. Instead of fighting his opponents with his fists and feet he uses a collection of enslaved, cutesy wutsey, androgynous monsters to fight his battles for him. Throw in the weakest of continuing storylines that ensnares young viewers to stay tuned week after week and that's your Saturday morning. It is absolutely horrible. The even sadder part is that kids just eat this dung up like it's the last bowl of ice cream on the planet. They can't get enough! I don't understand it? This is not a cartoon! A cartoon is supposed to have substance, a soul, a story and if you're lucky, a moral lesson at the end prophesized by the main character. Not some animated, sugarcoated version of Fight Club.

Skippy: Blastazor! Prepare to feel the power of my Chugazoid's electric tentacle attack!
Blastazor: Your Chugazoid will be no match for my Battle Monkey's incisors of doom!
Skippy: Then let us fight then!
Blastazor: We will fight!
Skippy: Yeargh!!!
Blastazor: Goo!!!

20 minutes later…

Blastazor: I have been beaten.
Skippy: I have won! Now I will continue my quest of searching for someone else who wants to fight! But now let us dance for no discernable reason!

Cartoons have always been violent. But up until now the actual violence, the physical aggression between the characters has never been the primary focus of the show. I mean Popeye didn't beat the living hell out of Bluto so he could become champion of the world? He was protecting the reputation of his beloved Olive Oyl. The use of violence was necessary in order to protect her honour. He-Man and Battle Cat didn't fight Skeletor and his evil henchmen for the Ultimate Fighting Championship of Eternia. God no! Evil was afoot and He-Man took the necessary action needed to defend the safety of Castle Greyskull. I have nothing against cartoon violence, in fact I encourage it. But when violent actions are used as the primary focus of some half-baked animated storyline, then I have a problem with it. If you're going to have a rabbit drop a ten-ton weight on some poor hunter's head, drop it because that's what the characters would do not because it's what the characters have to do. So now you know and knowing is half the battle.

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