Many movies have been based on their television counterparts and most of them have been quite horrible. I mean god help us do we really need to see another Leave It To Beaver movie or The Beverly Hillbillies part two? Is the film community frantically filling online petitions in the hopes that there will be a sequel to the critically acclaimed Lost In Space? Now "Lost In Space 2 - More Loster Than Ever!" Television shows in my opinion are created for one specific purpose and that is to stay on television. But apparently Hollywood doesn't seem to agree. In fact there's a boatload of television inspired films in development as we speak. Here's just a few. Knight Rider. Yes, Knight Rider. Talking car driven by a man with big hair. Apparently David Hasselhof will not star, unless all you German fans start sending your cards and letters now. To quote Norm MacDonald, "Germans love David Hasselhof." The A-Team Movie. I love this show only because of its total cheese factor, but as a movie? You know there's going to be no resemblance to the original show whatsoever. It'll be a hard-boiled, gritty action flick filled with "matrix-like" gun battles painted with a music video soaked brush. This means no bad guys being catapulted into mid air in slow motion, no classic A-Team van or the standard scene where "The Team" constructs a life saving device from the most rudimentary of materials. At least let Mr.T have a cameo appearance. One can only hope that somehow, someway that this plan will come together. Fat Albert. The classic cartoon comes to life. This is always a recipe for disaster. Remember The Flinstones or even the sequel? I'll admit I chuckled a few times during both of these films, but the only reason why both these films worked is because they were based on a cartoonesque concept. Fat Albert was a cartoon inspired by Bill Cosby's stand-up routine and gave a sugar coated look at inner city life. Do you mean to tell me that they are going to make a live action Fat Albert movie set in the present, within a inner city neighbourhood? I'm curious to see how this will work out. Inner city strife and the Cosby kids. Sounds like a real winner to me. I wonder if before Fat Albert and the gang goes toe to toe with the local gang element if they're going to do one of those musical montages. You know the one where they're all playing instruments made out of pieces of trash, except for Rudy who for some inexplicable reason is playing an electric guitar. I always hated that guy, thinks he's so big.
Television belongs on television, not on the movie screen. It's a pretty daring proposition, taking countless episodes of a reasonably successful television show and then try to encapsulate it into an hour and a half movie. It just doesn't work. I think that the main reason most of the persons going to see these movies is just to witness the horrible translation that these films make from the small screen to the big one. Remember all the buzz about the Scooby Doo movie? The driving force behind that viewing audience was just to see if Matthew Lillard could pull off a believable Shaggy. Well who am I to judge? I'm just a humble web columnist. But if that's what movie studios are paying for maybe I should get cracking on that "Three's Company - The Movie" script that's been burning a hole in my brain. Here's a snippet of one of my scenes.
INT. THE APARTMENT.
Janet and Chrissy are involved in a heated pillow fight. Both are wearing extremely revealing lingerie. Sweat begins to bead on their young, nubile bodies as their frenetic pillow battle eventually results in the two young ladies collapsing to the floor in a semi-erotic entanglement. As they stare into each other eyes, their lips slowly inch towards each other, only to be rudely interrupted by the door to their apartment suddenly opening.
Enter Mr.Furley.
MR.FURLEY
(shocked)
Janet! Chrissy!
JANET/CHRISSY
(in unison)
Mr.Furley!
MR.FURLEY
W-W-W-What the heck is going on here?
JANET
It's not what you think Mr.Furley!
CHRISSY
Yah, We were just having a pillow fight!
MR.FURLEY
Well the only thing I have to ask you girls is…
do you have an extra pillow?
The girls look at each other and smile. Mr.Furley releases his trademark *snort*, hikes up his belt and casually walks over to the girls while slowly taking off his technicolour scarf.
CUE LATE 70's PORN MUSIC.
Not bad eh? I'm still trying to figure out how to
fit in a scene where Jack saves the apartment from being taken over by
the Taliban.
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