I find this method particularly interesting, a live televised broadcast featuring clearly one of the most famous and infamous people alive addressing the planet with the threat of war hanging off his every word. What is proposed is nothing short of a slice of history and without a doubt, a monumental television event. But why stop at it just being a television event when it could be a GREAT television event? Think about it…if this were to happen, this would be one of the most highly viewed television moments in recent memory. Not just in North America but across the globe. This telecast will have the entire world's attention so shouldn't we seize this opportunity and make the most of it? Shouldn't we all benefit from this potentially huge viewing opportunity and turn it into the spectacle it deserves to be? Just think of all the things that could be done to dress up this Hussein confession to help turn it into a proper TV special.
I am thinking a jovial opening number is in order complete with bouncy music and the disarmin' dancers. Pyro might be something to even consider. Perhaps Don Pardo could do the introductions…just a thought. Then we could move right into a monologue to keep it light before the confession. I envision Hussein wearing a sailor hat and holding a golf club a la Bob Hope for this to add to the whimsy.
"Forget about this axis of evil…is anyone as tired as Saddam of this "Are You Hot" nonsense on the television set…I mean really folks, is it only I Saddam Hussein or is the whole world crazy?" (Insert laugh track)
Now not to knock Saddam in any way, he does have his own sense of dictator-like charisma and will be heavily focused in the program, but it wouldn't hurt to have a couple celebrity guest appearances to really spice up the broadcast. The show could feature the likes of Charo, Brooke Shields and Tom Selleck in brief segments with Saddam.
"So American
superstar Tom Selleck..."
"Why yes Saddam"
"Did you know that many people in my country confuse Saddam Hussein
for you?"
"You don't say?"
"It must be the moustache…"
"Ohhhh Saddam…you stinker"
Of course, TV specials
are never complete unless they include a few songs. A duet with Britney
Spears seems appropriate. I can just see Saddam done up in school girl
attire while doing his rendition of "Oops I did it again". Priceless.
And what would a show like this be without ample product placement? Perhaps we could have Saddam doing his address while wearing an Old Navy Tee or drinking a Coke.
"It be true that Iraq had pursued weapons of mass destruction. But now we make strategic decision to disarm…just like I Saddam Hussein, make strategic decision for taste." (Takes hearty sip of his Coke) "Ahhhh… Coca Cola, truly a weapon of mass satisfaction"
We would be silly not to take advantage of this guaranteed ratings blockbuster. Let's milk this puppy for all it's worth people. Sure we want to avoid war at all costs but if we can also capitalize on it for a chance for some excellent television then it is truly a win-win situation. Peace, love, and commerce! Just think, if this does the numbers we are predicting we could turn these Saddam Hussein variety shows into semi-annual specials.
It's the Saddam Hussein's
Christmas Special featuring appearances by Shania Twain, TV's Joe Millionaire
Evan Marriott, and Dom Deluise. Join Saddam on a horse drawn sleigh ride
as he ensures his country has fully disarmed and he rings in the holiday
season!
...but that's just
my opinion.
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or mail to:michael@boldopinion.com
