I just spent the last five days lying in a bed praying for death to take me so the pain could stop. I had it all headache, nausea, fever, sore aching muscles, throat infections, and to top it off a nice touch of bronchitis. It all started with the sore throat, you know that tickle you get, letting you know that hell is around the corner. So I stupidly joke with my coworker that I'm going to be sick the next day. So the next day comes around and I'm not feeling all that hot so that's it, I'm gonna call in sick. I look at the clock and try to figure out how much time I have to lie in bed before I have to call in to tell my boss I won't be in when suddenly it hits me…I feel guilty.

I know that work will continue on fine with out me, I know that I get sick days paid, and I know that I'm actually not feeling well so why is it that I feel bad for doing it? I feel like that 13-year-old kid trying to convince his mom that he's sick and should stay home and snuggle with his Atari to feel better. I'm thinking that my boss is going to be rolling his eyes at the other end of the phone. It's actually pretty funny when you think about it we usually go through quite a production just to come off convincing enough to be labeled as a genuine sick person instead of a faker for our bosses.

Here are a few of the rules I like to follow:

1. Always call when you know your boss isn't there. Answering machine is always easier to talk to then a live person who can ask more questions.
2. Use your best sick voice. Don't over do it, you don't need them calling an ambulance or something silly.
3. Practice what you are going to say. Keep it simple and to the point. You should let them know that you are sick to your stomach but they don't need to hear that it's your explosive diarrhea acting up again…avoid medical jargon.
4. Leave your home number. I'm sure they have it on file or in that list of poor employees, but if you give it to them it let's them know that you will be home all day and not out partying.
5. And if it is at all possible try to avoid getting sick on a Friday or Monday…it just looks bad.

Now of course these rules are here to help you feel more comfortable when you call in to when you are actually sick...I could never condone someone calling in to play hooky. I just hope that someday this stupid guilty feeling wears off, I don't want to be a 50 year old manager or something trying to talk my wife into calling in sick for me cause I don't want to upset the boss…

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