So New Years has come and gone and I'm sure we've all made our resolutions…anyone who has been in a 50-foot radius of me would know mine. I decided to quit smoking. Yup, 20 days ago I lit my last tar filled nicotine stick and inhaled it's poison into my lungs for the last time. This has been the longest 20 days of my life.

Okay, while that may be a slight exaggeration, it hasn't exactly been a bed of roses. I can honestly say that my mood was not that nice for the first couple of days. But aside from the withdrawal I think it's the whole not being able to do something anymore that sucks. That 'well I should quit cause I'm getting old' feeling, I hate that. I actually kinda liked the smoking. Besides the dying and cancer and killing others with second hand smoke stuff, it was sort of fun. You know it did make people look cool, not me of course, but look at James Dean…he was cool as hell with a smoke hanging out of his mouth. Maybe it was all the old movies with the lead guys being smokers or the cool kids at school doing it but the peer pressure sucked in a lot of people. Me? I think I was born to smoke…or well born to quit smoking. I have been fascinated by it since I can remember.

There seems to be a continuing pattern of self-denial as you age. 'Well I guess I should stop eating that good stuff because of my cholesterol.' Or 'Oh I shouldn't drink, my doctor says I shouldn't' Or 'I can't go outside, I'm old and the wolves are after me.' Giving up things you enjoy leaves you feeling ripped off. A feeling of why do they (we all know who they are) let us start smoking if we just have to quit anyway? And suffer for starting the rest of our lives. Not too mention the whole oral fixation thing. Now I get to look forward to trying not to shove food in my fat face every 8 seconds, which is not easy when you are craving a smoke. Your mind has a way of making you think that it's okay to have just one little, teeny, tiny cigarette…mmmm tar….

Oh sure I can opt for Nicorette or the patch. Have you tasted an ashtray before? Yeah that's Nicorette, only it burns your throat like chewing tobacco and Tabasco and you can't blow any freakin' bubbles that fer darn sure. The patch? Have you seen my arms? Oh, I guess you haven't, well let's just say I'm not shaving a little square out of my perfectly formed hair-suit just for a little fix of nicotine. Maybe I can roll the little fuckers up and smoke 'em? Of course they do cost like $8000.00. I hate the stupid tobacco companies and their multi-billion dollar cover-up! I say we roll them up and smoke them. At least my temper has leveled off…whaddya lookin' at? Jackass! Get me a cookie and shut the hell up. I'm a non- smoker now and I'm so goddamn happy about it!

What do you think jerk? You know where to find me.

or mail to: andrew@boldopinion.com
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