April 12th, 1961 - Cosmonaut Yuri A. Gargarin, the first man in space.
June 16th, 1963 - Cosmonaut Valentia Tereshkova, the first woman in space
July 20th, 1969 - Neil Armstrong walks on moon.
April 24th, 1990 - Space Shuttle deploys the Hubble space telescope.
November 2002 - First Boy Band Member shot into space.
As a tribute to the grand exploration of the mysteries of outer space, the Russian space program has now evolved to the point where they can finally accept American celebrities on their missions. Huzzah! Lance Bass, one of the members of the scintillating musical group N'Sync is going to Russia for 6 months in order to train for a possible November launch into outer space. When I first read this news bite my brain suddenly split into two equal bold opinion parts. Celebrities in space? The Russian space program? Which do I choose? Logically I've decided to do both.
Now I'm no scientist, but it seems to me that space exploration can be a pretty tricky business. I mean you've got the rockets, the space suits, lasers and all those other things you have to perfectly calculate in order to get your ass into outer space safely. Now also, I am definitely not a businessman, but I'm pretty sure this space exploration stuff can cost a pretty penny as well. Once again, I'm sure these rockets, space gyros and lunar robots don't come cheap. This begs the question. If a certain Russian space program is offering the general populace a seat on one of their rockets for the bargain price of twenty million dollars under the right circumstances, what does that tell you? I tell you what it tells me. If I had forty million dollars in my bank account, there would be no way in hell I would step on board that rocket. The Russian space program is a pretty hurtin' organization right now. Did you know in 1998 they were selling chunks of the Mir space station and old space suits on the Home Shopping Network in order to raise funds? That is no joke. Long gone are the days of the fabled space program of the Soviet Union. Since the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991 the space program has barely stayed afloat. So it seems to me like any other business, if the Russian Space program is in such desperate need of cash they must be making efforts to cut corners in order to maintain financial stability. Now there's a scary thought. Here is an organization that is possibly "making do" with what they have available in order to launch human beings into outer space. Not that I expect them to be making rockets out of old Lada parts but still any cost saving efforts of any kind is a pretty scary proposition. Maybe I'm just being a bit paranoid, I mean like I said what do I know about the exploration of outer space? Nothing! Of course if I happen to turn on the TV one day and see an infomercial starring teary-eyed Russian cosmonauts looking for precious donations to fuel their rockets, I think it may be time to shut those boys down.
Lance Bass, member of the boy band N'Sync is going to Russia to be placed in a rocket and launched into outer space. I couldn't believe it when I read it. Now if I were to write this headline out a year ago in a Bold Opinion article it would probably have to be edited a bit. Firstly it would probably read, "The boy band N'Sync is going to Russia to be placed in a rocket and launched into outer space." Secondly, the line would be placed in an article entitled, "If I Had 3 Wishes." So far the Russian government has taken two tourists aboard their rockets to accompany them on their space missions. Each of these wealthy businessmen had to pay twenty million dollars in order to take part in this once in a lifetime adventure. Good old Lance, will be launched in approximately November and will have to pay absolutely nothing. Why you ask? Apparently Radio Shack is footing the bill for "Lance's Excellent Adventure." You know what this means of course. Come November we will be seeing a lot more of Lance Bass. I mean I'll be honest, I am not a fan of their music in the least. If one of their videos came on the air I switch the channel. It was a pretty simple relationship. But now I fear I will not be able to escape him. Commercials, newspaper articles, and documentaries all starring this apple headed falsetto singing schlep. Of all the people on the entire planet, why should he be the first celebrity in space? Couldn't Radio Shack find someone else infinitely cooler than this dork? Not that it would be that hard, but I mean come on! Harrison Ford or Ewan McGregor? At least there would be some kind of space/star wars reference? Or how about Chris Rock or Jerry Seinfeld? Comedy in space! Infinitely more interesting than some 22-year-old moon faced choirboy floating around a space station saying "Wow! This is totally awesome!" twenty three times in a row. I'm afraid that the universe will never be the same again. Thank you Russian space program.
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