Leopold: Hey Arnold! What's that neat looking gadget you got there?

Arnold: Oh hi Leopold. This thing? It's my brand new cellphone. I just got it.

Leopold: Wow, looks pretty cool!

Arnold: I'll say. You wouldn't believe the things this thing can do.

Leopold: Say, why don't you tell me!

Arnold: Ok! I can get my email through this thing, play games, take pictures or videos, surf the web, text message my friends if I want…

Leopold: Wow!

Arnold: …play MP3's, open my garage door, trade shares on the stock market, watch satellite TV, prepare my taxes, it has GPS locator, surround sound ringer…

Leopold: Holy cow! Say, are those wheels on the side?

Arnold: They sure are. If I happen to lose my phone, all I have to do is push a button on my belt buckle and the cell phone will drive itself to me! Check out these special attachments!

Leopold: Geeze, a toothpick and a corkscrew! Amazing! Say do you mind if I borrow your phone for a second, I need to call my parole officer.

Arnold: Hmmm…sorry, I haven't been able to figure out how to do that yet.

Bad ump bump.

First and foremost, I must apologize for the cheesy punchline. Didn't see that one coming all the way down Main Street did you?

Don't you just love it when technology goes apeshit? When makers of electronics take the simplest of devices and puts in every bell and whistle under the sun. It's more than just a DVD player, it also makes great julienne fries! The cellphone in particular is now the focus of every new revolution in micro technology. If it can do something, anything and it fits in a cellphone they're going to shove it in there. Are there any cellphone models out there with sole function of just making…*shudder*…phone calls? I'm sure there are, but my main beef is this new generation of cellphones that can do almost anything under the sun and call your next-door neighbour. It's pretty crazy. I was just reading on Yahoo News about this new attachment that they're developing in Japan right now. You will now be able to put this device on your phone that will give you the ability to operate a remote-controlled car. Finally! If there's been one thing I've been dreaming about for o so many years is the ability to make a phone call on a desert island and make a little toy car drive around in circles. Technology evolves so quickly. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before astronauts will be riding cellphones to the outer reaches of the universe.

"Hello? No, I'm sorry I can't talk right now. What? I'm on my way to Venus, I'll call you when I land. Huh? Look you're breaking up, the reception's pretty bad in this part of the galaxy, I'll call you later."

With all of these new bells and whistles, can we even call them cellphones anymore? When the peripheral elements outweigh the original purpose of the device I think it's time for a name change. How about Pocket Entertainment Center? No, that's definitely not it. Hmmm. Portable Mission Control? Lame. Swiss Army Phone? I'm sure it's only a matter of time. All Purpose Communication Device? "Hey Gomer, can I borrow your APCD?" That's pretty catchy. How about just "Communicator" like on Star Trek? Probably not, the geek factor would be way off the charts on that one. I think I'll just have to let the boys in marketing figure this one out. OH! Electronic Trans Global Talk Box Thingy! Errr…I give up.

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