There are a couple things we know about weddings. They can be incredibly expensive, they are fun for everyone involved…except those directly involved, and guys don't know squat about planning them. It seems to be that women have this day planned since they were old enough to know what a wedding is. They know what flowers they want, where they want it, and even the music they want to have their first dance to. They like the pretty flowers and the big, beautiful wedding cake… I mean do guys even like cake? The grooms are usually asked to help out in the planning but really it just to make them feel involved. You and I both know that if a guy really wants to help he should just agree to what his wife-to-be wants and stay the hell away until the actual wedding day. Hmmm…how different the world would be if it were up to the guy to plan the wedding…(Cue Wayne's World dream sequence)

If men planned the weddings we could count on the following:

1. Engagement rings would be 2 weeks salary and probably made out of a stainless steel

2. Women could still have all of the showers and parties (free time for golf and more gifts)

3. Stags would happen every second week from the time of engagement until the big day

4. Flowers? We don't need no stinkin' flowers.

5. Pyrotechnics are a must

6. The ceremony would be 10 minutes long and drinking would be permitted

7. Dress would be business casual...no, jeans and a t-shirt…no wait pants would be optional for the guys and the bride's maids would be encouraged to wear bikinis and carry pitcher's of beer

8. The ring bearer would be a monkey dressed in a flashy green tux…once again pants optional

9. There would be one large group photo and that's it

10. The reception hall would have big screen TVs with the game on once again…no flowers

11. The receiving line would have a mandatory high-fives or a pat on the butt and the old people that you don't know could just go sit and not bother trying to explain how you know them

12. It would be open bar and beer bongs would not be out of place

13. Dinner would consist of the finest wings, pizza, and one those 38 foot subs…lots of chips

14. Dessert would be more wings, pizza, and maybe a touch of ice cream

15. During speeches, in which the gong show rules would be in effect for anyone taking too long, a belching contest would take place

16. The first dance would have to have some room for air guitar

17. The bouquet toss would always end in a mud wrestling match

18. In fact the bride doesn't even need to be there, we would probably give her some excuse about how it would be all guys and that she wouldn't have fun anyway

19. The night would continue until the last person past out and not a second before

20. No chicken dance

(Exit dream sequence)

Ahhh, how different life would be if men ran the world...er weddings. I think it's fair to say that although different I think the man's wedding would be a big hit…for the men anyway. I think we can also say that the marriage wouldn't last the night. I guess it's better to leave it up the bride to be…monkeys are so misunderstood.

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