Despite being a world-renowned web columnist, for some reason I really don't feel like discussing any burning issues today. I mean I've been doing this column for Bold Opinion for over a year now, covering a wide range of hard-hitting, cutting edge topics and doing my best to be one of the few honest and true voices found out there in the World Wide Web. I'm kind of tired of rambling on about the new evolution of condiments or trying to find the inner truth behind today's new hairstyles. Let CNN or Time magazine handle those pressing issues this week. I'm a little burned out. This week I would like to quickly rant about what I saw a group of kids doing in the underground parking garage at the home office of Bold Opinion.

Now usually when I encounter a group of young tough's in an underground parking garage, I instinctively resort to my many years of ninjitsu training. As I prepared to unleash the myriad of "death touches" I had at my disposal, much to my chagrin they were not needed. These young tough's did not even acknowledge my presence. In fact they seemed to be gathered in a circle facing each other doing some kind of strange ritualistic dance movements. At first I thought they might have been doing some new evolution of "break dancing" in which case this world-renowned web columnist would have immediately showed these kids some old-school moves that I used to bust out on many a piece of cardboard back in the day. Word. Ahem. But as I moved in closer, I realized they weren't dancing at all. In fact these kids were involving themselves with something I thought I would never see again in my lifetime. They were kicking around a hacky sack.

Hacky sack? Hacky sack? Not sound too much like my father, but do kids still play that stupid game? Of course I'm not even sure if I could even call it a game. I mean there are no points scored. No competition between players. The only point to the game is to keep this little beanbag hoppin' around the circle of players by using only your feet. Wow! I can summarize this game with one simple word…EXCITEMENT! (Due to the limitations of the printed word I must make it emphatically clear that the previous sentence was dripping with sarcasm, I'm talking totally soaked.) I remember roughly ten years ago when I was taking "web columning" in university, I used to see these jokers all over the place. Kicking that stupid little sack all over the place to the best of their abilities and following it up with numerous apologies to the other students for accidentally launching it at their throats or inadvertently landing it in someone's chocolate pudding. It was a mess! I have never in my lifetime see anyone or any group of people do this well at all. They kick it around for a few hits and kablam the sack goes into a bush. Kick it around a couple times more and kapow it gets stuck in a tree. I've never seen any world-renowned hacky sackers on television or heard if it was a contender for a demonstration sport at the next summer Olympics. I don't recall seeing hacky sacker guys shown in the nightly news sport highlights either.

"Look at that form Jim! He's really kicking that bean bag!"
" I haven't seen this kind of action since the Belgium Games in '82."
"This is truly a great moment for the hacky sackers across the globe."

I thought this was a fad. A totally pointless exercise that would fade in and fade out of existence like the hoola-hoop or the yo-yo. Honestly, who would have thought that this stupid little game would have lasted this long? Not me, let me tell you.

Before deciding to finish off this column by continuously assailing the so-called game of "hacky sack", I decided to consult the Internet to see what kind of following this hobby had. Needless to say I wasn't surprised by the results and learned a few things. Much like any obscure interest, you can always find a collection of them somewhere on the Internet. The same goes for the game of hacky sack or "footbag" as it is preferred to be called by the World Footbag Association, established in 1983. There a special shoes, shirts, videos and other equipment that more than can fulfill all your footbag needs. Sigh. I guess in this modern times, "footbaggers" are the last things that we should need to worry about. I say live and let live. You can quote me on that. Now if you'll excuse me I've got to get back to polishing my leather boots. I'm participating in a civil war reenactment this weekend and I've got to be ready. The south will rise again! Yee haw!

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