Art Garfunkel…Pothead!
I remember in the days of my youth being part of band. They were pretty wild times. For a short brief moment in time I was able to experience the fabled rock and roll lifestyle and I loved every minute of it. The groupies, the wild parties, drinking all night and of course the various experiments with mind expanding pharmaceuticals. After numerous exhausting performances, I began to feel the detrimental effects of living this way of life. I realized if I continued on this path I would probably be dead before I was fifteen. So on a cold winter evening before one of the biggest performances of our bands career I quit. In order to save my life, I left the band. As much as I hated to do it, the grade eight band would have to play with one less tuba player at their annual Snow Show performance.

If you’re in a band that’s the life you lead. If your profession of choice happens to be in the music industry in whatever genre of music, you will at some point experiment with drugs, alcohol, whatever. I don’t care its rap, rock, polka or singing for the church choir, someone in your organization is guzzling, smoking or popping something in various extremes to help with their performance. It’s a given. So if a formerly heralded music icon from the sixties is caught for possession of marijuana, what is the big surprise? Of course the bigger surprise is when said icon actually challenges the charges.

Art Garfunkel, you are a big fat idiot. You get caught with your proverbial pants down and are issued a fine of a whopping $100 for having a couple of “buds” in your jacket. You could have paid the fine, let this monumentally scandalous back page story disappear and go on begging Paul to take a crack at making a new album. But no, you couldn’t do that. All of your adoring Garfunkel-heads must know that the marijuana was not yours. The truth will set you free! Justice must be served! Attica! Attica! Dumbass.

This is the perfect example of a celebrity scandal in its weakest form. So very, very weak. A story this lacking in newsworthiness would barely rate a few words on the news ticker at the bottom of the screen on CNN. Former music star from the sixties caught with six grams of marijuana. Yikes! All right children, lets get to the shelter as quick as possible, the end of the world is upon us! Michael Jackson would probably offer to eat a flame broiled “Bubbles the Chimp Burger” with extra mayo just to change places with Art at this point. This is not a scandal. It would have been a scandal if maybe Art’s limo was pulled over and they found a couple of drunken nuns in the trunk bound with duct tape and covered with chocolate sauce. That my friend would be a scandal! But what do you call it when a musician who just finished up a reunion tour that netted 65 million dollars and refuses to pay the $100 fine for a minor possession charge? I don’t know. What’s the word for someone who makes a futile attempt to garner attention from some meaningless incident? Hmm…oh I know, pathetic.

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