Is up with my roommate's alarm clock.
Let me explain.
My roommate could sleep though the end of the world. Moltey Crue could be singing Girls Girls Girls in the living room, strippers could be surrounding his bed begging to give him a lap dance and he would be snoozing away. Yet somehow he can hear my girlfriend scream that I am a god when we have sex. Funny that.
So he has this alarm clock that must be made up of 50% clock, 50% air raid siren. I'm not fucking joking. My room is in the basement and it wakes me up. I'll cover my ears with a pillow trying to escape this intruder into my slumber but it still gets through. I turn on my stereo and crank it and it still gets through. Boy I sure can sleep now with a siren and tunes blaring.
AND because it doesn't really wake him up, he sets it for an hour before he needs to get up. EXCUSE ME. So every day I am up and at them at 7:15 AM. That fucking sucks because most mornings I'm hung over. And I'll tell you nothing, and I mean nothing can get me angrier than being woken up before I am ready.
First time I ever heard this deafening sound I stormed up to his room and banged on the door so hard he jumped out of bed thinking there was a fire or something. Now that was fuckin funny. But you have to be fucking crazy if you think I am marching up stairs every morning to wake his ass up. What the fuck am I? His personal bitch? I don't fucking think so.
One time a friend was crashing on our couch and the alarm from hell went off. He jumped up and ran to the kitchen, thinking that maybe it was some sort of alarm. When he found out what it was he asked why anyone would want that sound intentionally made?
No fucking shit.
I wonder how far the sound goes. Does the lady upstairs hear it? Do the neighbors hear it? Don't forget how quiet it is in the morning. I'm surprised our house hasn't been the target for violence. (Well ok it has but that was my fault and totally not related.)
So what the fuck am I supposed to do?
I am asking each and every one of you gentle readers to tell me. Should I enact one of my fantasies and take a baseball bat to this infernal thing? Should I hook up some sort of battery to it so that it shocks him awake every time it goes off? What should I do? I want you all to send in an idea and I will share the good ones with you in a future article.
And anyone of you who sends in a note saying I should live and let live? Well you will be put on my list. And no-one wants to be on that list. Believe me.
Don't like what I have to say? Do you think I really care? Hit me here.
