Reality TV Dipshits

OK, so as most of you know, I have nothing to do so of course I'm watching the television all the time. And even though most of it sucks, there are a few good things on, those being reality shows.

First off though, isn't reality show a bit of a misnomer? I mean when in real life are 13 people going to be locked in a house, competing for food competitions, and voting people out? I mean that's nothing like reality; sure there are real people in these shows, but really their just game shows. The Price is Right, has real people on it, competing, and it's the same fuckin thing. You wanna have a real reality show, put the fuckin camera on me man. I'm telling you I'm funnier, edgier, and better looking than most of the fuckers on these things. OK, maybe not better looking, I am pretty ugly.

But seriously, who are the people they get for these shows? Have they not been watching past seasons of this shit? I mean if you've been watching Big Brother 4, what the fuck are they doing? That Jee guy, put up for eviction a member of another alliance, and one from his own to act as a pawn. That's just stupid. And don't give me that the X's didn't know there was an alliance shit. If I walked into a house, and there were 8 people in there before me, you can bet your ass that I know they've made an alliance, and if they didn't they're even stupider than Jee.

And don't even get me started on Survivor, that stupid bitch Jenna won? Give me a fuckin break; Rob should have won that shit. How many of the past winners of these shows actually deserved to win? Vespia? I mean get a fuckin clue here people.

And what the fuck is with how these people talk to the camera? Most of them sound like idiots half the time. I'm begging you, put me on that shit. I was made to talk to camera. Like I do in this column, I'll call it like it is every single time. I'm sure I'd either be kicked out of the house first, or I'd win that shit. My fuckin life is a reality show, read the pages of my columns for the last 2 years, marriage, babies, and loss of jobs, fuck man my life is the ultimate reality show. Much like the Osbournes, there's a real reality show, the producers of that show had no idea what they were going to get, they pointed cameras at people and hoped it would work. It only became the most popular television show in MTV's history.

The problem is though, is that all of these shows, The Amazing Race, Big Brother, Survivor, etc are all American made. And the producers and executives of these shows aren't putting Canadians on them. Why the fuck not? I mean shit, aren't half the good comics out there now Canadian? Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, Tom Green, Matthew Perry???? The list goes on and on, man lets just face it Canadians are fuckin funny people, and I'm one of the funniest, and I've got a big fuckin mouth, lots of opinions and I'm not afraid to put them out there. Fuck man, if I heard of people talking about me, I'd call a house meeting and call everyone on that shit. I'd put it right out there in the open.

I'll tell you what the public wants; they want me, a cross between Eminem/Dennis Leary/Tommy Lee and Charlie Sheen. (had to throw him in there, god he was the king of Hollywood partying) So this is an invitation, any of you television producers out there, step the fuck up to the plate, put me on tv and lets take the whole fuckin thing over.

I'm DOWNS, I'm the fuckin man, and you'd have to be an idiot not to think so.

DOWNS

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