Good-fuckin-bye Toronto!

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, the rumors are true, I'm getting the fuck out of this city. And I couldn't be happier. I am so sick and tired of this fuckin city, it's not even funny. Every where you look they are trying to get this pro Toronto shit going to save the city from the SARS economical impact, and I say FUCK IT, let the city fuckin burn. I'll be standing there watching it, drinking a beer and shooting the finger.

In two weeks, I'm out of this fucking cess pool but even today I nearly lost it. I was on the streetcar up to meet the wife and go shopping. This fuckin bitch on the streetcar is sneezing, like 6 or 7 times. And I'm fuckin sorry, but man that's a lot of sneezin. And this streetcar, goes between a hospital and a subway stop. HOSPITAL? That's where that SARS shit started man. So I like tiptoe by her to get to the exit, only to have her bump into me as she was getting of at the same stop. I was like, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING."

Everyone looked at me.

"Listen lady, you sneezed like 7 times, and I'm no crazy, but I do not need some bitch like you givin me
SARS, and me takin it home to my pregnant wife. "

And I walked off the streetcar into the subway station, no one said shit. But fuck man, I'm sorry, I'll slap that bitch, and ten bitches that look just like her before I let some stupid fuck give me some disease. And that's just all there is to say about that.

So THEN, the wife and I are sitting in the food court at this mall, when I hear this woman go. "She's fine, all we have to do, is not have her near any pregnant women."

I was up dragging my wife down the food court in fuckin seconds. My wife, was like, "what the fuck are you doing?" I didn't know what that diseased kid had back there, but I got the fuck out. You see, that's what it's like here. Every one of the fuckin people on these streets are either cannon fodder for my column, or some potential threat to my pregnant wife or unborn child. Man I feel like Michael fuckin Jackson, I'll be dangling my kid over the balcony soon, face mask and all.

So that's pretty much it. I'm getting the fuck out of this city. It's driving me insane, I always said I was gonna move to some mountain, well pretty close. We're moving to the east coast, to Halifax Nova Scotia. Now supposedly everyone on the east coast is laid back, and you know more relaxed, well don't expect that shit to happen to me. In fact, I have a feeling that being in some backwoods little piece of shit city is going to piss me off more than living in this shit hole has.

So here's to you Toronto, suckin my cock.

DOWNS

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