I don't know about the millions and millions of Downs fans out there, but I used to fuckin love eBay. I mean I've had my account there since 1999. Before most of you even knew what the site was, I was buying and selling everything from action figures, video projectors and wrestling videos. I loved it, I was usually bidding on something once a week.

For a collector eBay signified the greatest resource ever, objects that up until this point I had only heard of, or glimpsed in someone else's collection, suddenly were available to me online, at a reasonable price. The problem is, that lately I've gotten really pissed off at what eBay has become and what it means to you and I.

In the old days of eBay, there were no geographic sites, you know each own sub-site for your country. There was no eBay Motors either, for that matter. What eBay was in the beginning was a group of buyers and sellers, meeting in a defined space to trade their wares, almost like a swap meet really, but a swap meet of mythic proportions. I could walk down aisle number 1 and find comic books that were sold out all over Toronto or go down aisle 36 and buy a satellite receiver. When I was trying to locate a copy of SEX by Madonna for my wife, which is now a collectors item and very expensive, eBay again solved my problem. In fact, for the last few years just about any gift I've bought for someone came from eBay.

Soon people had online stores on eBay and this is where I think things started to get out of hand. Suddenly people were beginning to charge sales tax. Sales tax? What the fuck are you talking about? Kiss my ass sales tax. This isn't your fuckin business here, this is a swap meet, the very idea of sales tax in this arena is fuckin sacrilege. When I go to a comic book convention and I'm haggling prices for a bunch of comics I don't pay the fuckin guy sales tax after I'm done. I'm haggling here with your online selling ass, I'm bidding, I'm paying you before you even send me the fuckin item and now you want me to fuckin pay sales tax. I don't fuckin think so.

So then, just a couple weeks ago I go to sell something on eBay. I have this MPEG encoder, it's an external device that hooks up to any VCR and your USB port on your computer and digitizes video so that you can burn it to a DVD. It's pretty much like a video capture card, where people plug their VCR into their computer, or their video camera and make either DVD's or desktop video. So I put my auction up and a day later it gets taken down by eBay security or office of morale or something. I get this email saying it breaks their rules of engagement. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? So I email back and I ask why my auction was ended, and this guy tells me that my device can be used to rip DVD's, (see:copy) and that that is against eBay policy. Are you fucking kidding me? First of all, what the fuck does eBay have a fuckin policy on this shit for? It's none of their fuckin business what I buy from another person, I don't care if they get a percentage of the cost or not. They provide a portal for users to do business, does a fuckin arena owner question a computer company about their merchandise before a computer show? No they fuckin don't, cause it's none of their fuckin business. They still get paid for the rental of their space and that is all I'm doing from eBay, renting your fuckin online space.

BUT, even besides that, this policy does not cover my device. This MPEG encoder cannot be used to rip DVD's, that's total bullshit. What you COULD do is re-digitize an entire DVD back into your computer and then burn that to a new DVD, but who the fuck would do that? There are much easier ways to make a copy of a DVD then that. I mean your quality would be total shit, it would be like, instead of copying a VHS directly to another VHS tape, you digitize that VHS all the way into your computer and then back out to a VHS copy. That's total fuckin bullshit. So I email back, and I said listen I appreciate your fuckin policy, but how is my device any different than a video capture card, you could do the same thing with one of those. And they are allowed on your site. I get a fuckin email back saying that they had ruled on the matter, and even if I emailed them back I would not get a response from them. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Who the fuck do these people think they are? I've been a member in good standing of your organization for 4 fuckin years and you can't even give me a reasonable answer to my dilemma? What the fuck kind of customer service is that? And what can I do about it? Fucking nothing. So that's it, FUCK YOU EBAY, I'm out. I'm going to find some competitor website and I'm going to sell everything I own on there. I'm going to put their company logo up here on my website and every fucking chance I get I'm telling people to FUCK EBAY. And actually, maybe I'll go see if that domain name is free. FUCK EBAY.

DOWNS

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