Jesus Christ, is this a journey. I mean it's just crazy the shit that women go through when they are pregnant. Sure everyone knows about the weight gain, but I mean that's really just part of the shit that my wife has been going through.

First is the moodiness, holy shit, I have never ever been in so much shit in my life. Doesn't matter if I did anything or not, I'm gonna get in shit for it. That's just the role of the man when your woman is pregnant. You are there to take the shit, cause buddy, it's your fuckin fault all this is happening. The only good news is, whatever mood she's in right now, give her 5 minutes and it will change.

Pregnant women can't do anything, of course we all know that they can't drink or smoke, but what about all the other things they have to abstain from? My wife can't eat tuna, she can't change the cat litter, go horseback riding, drink a diet coke, do any gardening or see her feet. I mean anything man made and most things in nature are harmful to a pregnant woman. How did people ever have babies before the last few years? It's hard to believe that our society has done so well considering all the things that women used to do during pregnancy that are now unheard of. I mean does that mean that children from now on are somehow superior to generations before? Are we going to see perfect human beings now? I doubt it.

Those things aside though, now that we are further along in the pregnancy major events are starting to happen. My wife now feels the baby moving all the time. When she goes for a walk, the baby like gets pissed off and starts banging around inside her. How fucked up is that? God am I lucky I'm a man. Ain't nobody getting inside of me.

And what about the clothes? Jesus Christ, women have to get an entirely new wardrobe, and the shit ain't cheap. You would think that since these clothes are only going to be worn for awhile that they would be cheaper, no fuckin way. My wife and her pregnant friend went bra shopping the other day, she came back with a bra that cost a hundred dollars. A hundred, fuckin dollars, holy shit. I mean yes it is probably the biggest bra I have ever seen at size G. Which stands for, Goddamn those tits are huge. Her friend, got size H, Holy shit those are some big tits!

But all the kidding aside, as we get closer to the day I am getting more excited. I can't wait for it all to be over and to have the little fucker in my arms. I mean come on, delivery is not going to be fun, I don't think there is a torture more horrific in today's society, all the pain, crying, screaming and drugs, and that's just for me, my wife is going to hate it.

Half way there, we've made it this far though, all we have to do now is get a name, buy all the kid's shit, and stock up on our sleep. Parenthood, look out Downs is coming!

DOWNS

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