You know I'm surprised I haven't written this article yet. Because I will tell you I fucking hate grocery shopping! I mean if there is hell on earth, I think it's right there between the aisles of home cleaning products and spam.

Now I've tried the internet delivery system here. The problem is, their food is totally fucking expensive and their selection is crap. So going to the actual grocery store is just a fact of life, but man it drives me insane.

Last night my wife and I went to the local food merchant. Now we go to this like discount place, you know the type you have to buy the bags and the shit is actually pretty cheap compared to the other big Loblaw's or what ever. Now usually at those fuckin places, the food is shit, you know it's cheap for a reason. But not at this place. The quality of the shit is actually really good. So of course, this place is fuckin PACKED.

I mean you walk into this place and you have to fight to get a grocery cart, you actually have to fight to give them a deposit. How fucked up is that?

And since this place is soo big, no one knows which direction to go in. You know what I mean, usually there is one pattern in which to start shopping and then end up at the cashier in the correct and uniform pattern. Not this fuckin place, there are idiots going every which way. And of course this means you are hitting people's fuckin grocery carts. If I get hit one more fuckin time while pushing a grocery cart I am gonna fuckin lose it. I mean how fuckin hard is to push this metal deathtrap on four wheels around?

So here we are, out to choose which food will be lucky enough to come home with us tonight and this crazy lady walks by. I mean she is cursing and walking funny. I'm like can't they keep the crazy people out? I mean yes we are paying a bit less for the food but is there not a certain amount of protection a human being can expect when you are paying a service? That's like getting hit up for charity when you're in a bar, come on man. I'm fuckin paying you for something. Keep that shit away from me.

So then, I am like fuckin ready to go ballistic when this bitch comes walking down the produce aisle talking on a cell phone. She is in such a hurry and can't wait to get around this old lady and so like lunges by and knocks a bunch of shit off a shelf. So everyone around her, including the crack staff of motivated individuals who work here all turn away and go about their business. Come on people, there is just a certain amount of responsibility to being a human being. Pick the fucking shit up man! Is that just so out of our reach as a people? So of course I go over and pick all the shit up that some cunt knocked off a shelf.

I am serious, I think my version of Hell is going to be me stuck in a grocery store with a bunch of crazy people, packed to the tits, and bumping into me. Fuck, Hell, I was in it last fuckin night. It's right fuckin here on planet earth.

So I've had it, I'm going back to the internet grocery delivery. I don't care if I have to live off of swedish meatballs, and baked Hams I'm going to do it. I've got to, or next time I go to one of those places I can't be held responsible for what might happen.

DOWNS

Don't like what I have to say? Do you think I really care? Hit me here.

Click here for more Articles by this Author