Here comes Christmas, we've got gifts to buy, parties to go to and I just don't know how we are supposed to do all this.

I make an alright salary, but that's not the problem. I don't think making enough money is ever the problem, you can never make enough money. There is always the fuckin government there with their hand out. I mean they take about 50% of your paycheck before it ever even sees you. What the fuck is that? I am working for a certain salary, but in actuality I'm working for half of that. Why do we even bother to say that that is our salary? The government should just take it and never tell us. That way we would never know how much we are losing. So say you made 50 grand a year, well since the government takes 25 grand of that your salary is really only 25 grand. Why don't we say it like that? I mean when you phrase it like that, it looks like this person is under the poverty line. Which is true, they are. Cause the fucking government takes half their paycheck.

And what about insurance? I mean this is the biggest fucking scam in history. Insurance companies are legal thieves. I mean we pay them in case an accident happens, and if that accident doesn't happen do we get our money back? Fuck no. And now just recently most insurance companies increased their rates because of Sept. 11. They actually say that since they lost a lot of money that they had to increase rates. What the fuck? Are you fucking kidding me? This is your fucking business. Did Sept. 11 cut into your profit margins? Too fuckin bad. I mean this is the entire reason that insurance exists. So now since something terrible actually happened, instead of pay the money out, they increase everyone else's rates and make them pay for it? That's a fucking joke. I'm telling you I am in the wrong fucking business.

But you know what, all that is just bullshit that is never going to change. The real problem is that you never get a break. I keep thinking the further I get I will get a chance to catch up on these bills or pay down a loan or put some money aside. But the problem is it never happens. There are pets to get shots, clothes to buy, food to eat and so on and so on. Working for a living and making your way through and paying bills sucks ass. Isn't there something out there more than this? I'm going to be turning 30 soon, is this what my life is going to be? Sure I could win the lottery but come on, the chances of that are a million to one, or some rich relative could die and leave me a fortune. Like that's going to happen.

All I want is to provide a good life for my family and it seems that the only way society will let me do that is to bust my ass, work millions of hours, don't spend any money or have any fun. And one day maybe 30 years in the future, my kids will be through college and I can retire. Boy that seems like a lot of fun, working through my entire life for a possible chance at some relaxation time, if a heart attack doesn't kill me first.

Is it just me or does that just seem like a fuckin raw deal? I want to enjoy my life and my time now. I want to travel with my wife, I want to take my kids places. I want to provide and give them a life that I never had. I guess that is the role for a man, I guess that's what it means to become a man, to give up your own desires and needs, to put your family before yourself on all matters. You know I get that and I have no problem giving my family everything I have or will have. I just question the fairness of it all. I guess this isn't the way of every family. There are families out there who don't need to work, who can provide for their families and not need to put much effort forth. The problem is that's not the majority of the world. The rest of us are set up in a system to eventually fail.

You know I'm a good guy, I have lived a good life and don't I deserve a little happiness. I've taken a lot of shit in the last 29 years and no my life isn't over yet, but don't I get any benefits of this? Don't I get to take a break and catch my breath?

The answer I guess is no. A wise man once said to me, "Deserves got nothing to do with it."

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