I hate, I mean HATE moving. In the 10 years I've lived in Toronto I have lived in 7 different places, and I'm about to move into my 8th. Now sure, some of those times I had to exit an apartment before I was really supposed to but that's an entire different column all together. The thing is the whole fuckin process of moving sucks.
First you have to find the new apartment. What a fuckin joy this is. I mean calling up all these people who have placed ads, running out to the viewing only to find that this place isn't anywhere near your standard of living. Or you get there and love it, and there are like 15 other people who have already said they want it. This one chick recently said she wanted to do a credit check, a credit check? What the fuck man? What business is it of theirs what my credit is? Sure they are renting to you but I mean isn't that what a lease is for? To make sure you pay? I think that is a bit too much personal information to be giving to some total stranger, before you even rent the place.
So somehow amongst all this shit you end up finding a place you like and can have. Well then you have to put down first months rent in cash. CASH!. Give me a fucking break here man, I mean yes I get paid and pay my bills but fuck man, how much flash money am I supposed to be carrying around? So you end up forking over your beer money for that week and finally have a new apartment. End of headaches eh?
Not fucking likely. Now you have to put up with your current landlord bringing a bunch of strangers through your place. Fuck I hate that. I have personal information and boxer shorts lying all over the place man. AND, this landlord of mine is a complete fuckin idiot. This place is a dump, but he expects us to clean it up and make it look nice. I don't fuckin think so. But if we don't clean it and it takes longer to rent then my life will just be further inconvenienced. Give me a fuckin break, no way to win here. And who watches these people? I mean couldn't they help themselves to any 1 of my 300 dvds? Sure they could I wouldn't know for about 2 months.
But all of that is small potatoes compared to moving day itself. I fuckin' despise this part of moving, the actual moving part. I mean I work my ass off when I move, whether it is me or someone else. This one time I was moving this guy and almost single handedly unloaded a transport truck. I just move like a man possessed, I have a life to get back to. The entire act of picking up a truck, driving it to the house, loading it up, driving it to the new house, unloading and on and on and on.
The other thing is that most people aren't prepared to move, you show up and they are still packing? Who the fuck is you? I offer to help and you don't have the decency to have everything taken care of before I show up? Fuck you. This one time a buddy was moving and I was helping. He only had the truck booked for 3 hours, so halfway through the move we had to put everything on the street, so he could get the truck back. Well guess who had to move all that shit into the house while buddy was returning the truck? This motherfucker right here.
So in 2 weeks I move again, and believe me you do not want to be on the road between here and my new apartment. Cause let me tell you I am going to be one angry motherfucker.
Downs
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