So we recently had a long weekend here in Toronto, the May Two Four weekend to be exact. And in some haze of delusion I thought that it would be a great idea for my lady and myself to drive to Montreal. What a mistake.
Firstly we had a PT Cruiser booked to rent, might as well travel in style right? Well, apparently not. It seems the Seinfeld sketch about car reservations isn't exactly that far off the mark. When I went to pick up the rental I was told how the car had not been returned, but I was welcome to take something else. Now my problem here is that the only reason I was going to pay so much for a rental was because it was a special car. I don't want to pay the same amount for a fuckin Sebring. If I wanted to rent a fuckin Sebring I would have booked one. And the bullshit thing is, there is nothing I could do about it. I mean sure I could not take that car, but then I wouldn't be able to go on my trip. How fuckin fair is that? I'm the fuckin customer here, I booked in advance and yet I'm still bending over for these guys to fuck me.
So with the disappointment of car rental firmly in the front of my cerebral cortex I started the 5-hour drive to our countries French district. Now, I understand that I was leaving the biggest city in our country, and that it was a long weekend, but come on. The traffic was fuckin horrible. I mean why do we as humans have to deal with traffic? Haven't we been driving for a few years now? I mean this drive from Toronto to Montreal, has been done before by hundreds of people. Can't someone come up with a way to solve this problem that plagues humankind?
Despite the rental car fuck-up and the unbearable traffic we made it to Montreal. And of course we promptly got lost. Now if none of you have ever had the sheer treat of driving in Montreal allow me to explain. Firstly, despite being a bilingual country, there is no English on any of the signs. The language police would never stand for that, I'll get to them in a second. That's only the beginning though, I mean when I travel I don't expect everything to be in English at all, that's not what I'm saying. However it is fair to expect that in your own country you be able to find your way. The highways in Montreal are just complete ass; both sides of the highway have merges so at any point someone can come screaming up to the right or left of you. And they do, I mean the drivers in Montreal are FUCKIN HORRIBLE and they're honking at me, because I'm lost and driving the speed limit.
The thing is though; I knew all of this going in. I've been to Montreal before and I expected all of this. What really blew me away and really offended me was how rude the majority of the people were. Now look I said majority, the people I stayed with were awesome, I mean really really nice and did not have anything against me because I was English. I can't say the same for the rest of the French people I encountered on my trip though. I mean I was shocked to be treated like a lower class citizen because I didn't speak French. Even when I tried as best I could, the store clerk or waitress or whoever would get annoyed and start talking to me in English. You know I understand that it's important to promote the culture and I think if you want to talk to your kids in French hey that's your business. But I think its totally unacceptable and downright rude to think that because you speak french you are better than me.
Montreal is supposed to be a world-class city; it has a great history and is truly a beautiful place but it's just bullshit to have to put up with this attitude when you go there. When I've been to Spanish countries and spoken the little Spanish I know, the locals didn't have hatred towards me. They encouraged me and laughed along as I stumbled through their language. This allowed me to respect and admire their culture rather then scorn me and leave me with an itchy trigger finger.
All I have to say is that it's shame that this happens, its not surprising that when Quebec wanted to leave Canada the majority of the rest of the nation was ready to let them go. Fuck it I'm sick of these assholes, I saw we kick all the dipshits out and reclaim the land for BRITAIN.
SO SAYETH THE SHEPHERD
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