What The Fuck …
Happened when I tried Absinthe?

What is Absinthe you ask? Well, let me explain in layman terms. I am a lay man.

Absinthe is the alcohol/drug from the 1800's that has been banned in just about every country. Guys like Picasso and Manet drank it, and it's featured predominately in a lot of the art of that time. If you rent the new release Moulon Rouge you will see it everywhere, Baz Lurhman obviously understood its impact and place in the art and entertainment of that time.

Now, the reason it was banned is because it was thought to be a very hallucinogenic drug with long lasting side effects. It is said to be the thing that drove Picasso to cut his own ear off.

So you can imagine I jumped at the chance to try it myself. Let me say that as far as I know there is no real scientific proof of the effects of absinthe. Sure it was banned, but so was alcohol and marijuana, which are all pretty much legal now.

How do you get Absinthe? Well there are a few places that are still allowed to make it. You find them on the web and import a bottle. That's all I'm going to say about getting it.

Once you have a bottle of absinthe, you are set to sample this elixir. The thing is, there is an entire ritual to drinking absinthe. You don't sit around with the boys and a deck of cards doing shots until someone sees the infamous Green Fairy. (Said because absinthe is usually green in color) There are all sorts of special tools that you must also acquire for the absinthe ritual.

First and foremost you need an absinthe spoon. When you drink absinthe, you pour a shot into a glass (they have absinthe glasses but a regular glass is fine), you then put this spoon over top of the glass. The spoon looks like a flat spoon but it has holes in it. You then take a sugar cube and place it on top of the spoon. The last thing you do before drinking is pour about 6 times as much water as the shot over top of the sugar cube so it melts the sugar cube. The now watery sugar passes through the holes in the spoon and mixes with the absinthe.

You now have your absinthe cocktail. Now people warn to not really have more than 3 of these because of the high alcohol content of absinthe.

So there I was, I had everything above mentioned and had my cocktail all ready to go. As an aside I don't consider this falling off of my non-drinking wagon because this was an experiment for you readers. I did not drink anything else in the house nor have I drunk anything since. I was all set to see the green fairy; I was hoping I would maybe have a huge burst of creativity and write the novel I am working on.

I lifted the drink to my mouth, first impression? Fuck me this shit smells bad. It smells exactly like black sambucca. Black licorice, not a fun taste. And let me see, to water it down I have put sugary water in with it. I tilted the glass and took my first sip. About as tasty as licking an asshole.

However I didn't let that stop me. No sir I thought well I have about 3 glasses of asses to lick and I did. It took about 2 hours or so to drink all 3 drinks. My absinthe partner stopped at 1, they decided it just wasn't worth the effort.

So what happened? What did I see? Did I run through the city chasing a green fairy naked wearing only a cockring? NOPE, Nothing.

What a fucking gip. I was so let down. Ok, I may have felt a little happy but that was it. Not even drunk, and I haven't drank in weeks.

So now what? Do I give up? Do I pour the almost full bottle down the drain? Do I drink it all in one sitting and then see the damn fairy? No way Jose. Apparently different types of absinthe may or may not affect you. They all come from different regions in Europe and the hardcore usually only drink one brand that they find works for them. So now am I to import a couple more bottles, averaging $150.00 U.S.?

This kinda sucks as a past time, maybe I should just go back to beer.

Downs

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