What The Fuck …
Is up with raking leaves anyway?

Cause I'll tell ya, I fucking hate that shit. Same thing goes for cutting the grass or trimming the weeds along the fence. I can't stand that shit. It's the worse part of living in a house. Sure I can crank up my tunes and party until the sun comes up. But if I don't rake my leaves the neighbors are out there making a stink.

What the fuck, does it matter to them anyway? It's my fucking yard. I hate that fucking shit. My neighbors are pretty nice people but fuck man. Who really gives a flying fuck if my leaves are in a pile in front of my house, or if they are in a plastic bag somewhere? It's fucking biodegradable. Just leave it there while the snow comes, then when I cut the grass next spring they will be chopped up with everything else in the yard.

I am the worse for that. Give me a machine with a fucking rotating blade. Do you honestly think I am going to bend down and pick that stick up? FUCK THAT. It's getting chopped up into bits. That's what a lawn mower is for, for fuck sakes. I wish I could take it to work; people wouldn't fuck with you if you walked around with a lawn mower.

There was this little tree growing out in front of my house. Didn't mean anything to me so I just let it grow. Who cares right? Well fuck, one day I come home and the neighbors have killed the little tree. I'm out in the back yard and they are like, "Did you see we killed that little weed?"

I'm like, "weed, that was a fucking tree motherfucker."

They said it was going to cut off the roots to the other trees. What the fuck? Haven't trees and weeds lived in harmony all these years before Man started to interfere?

So it's Sunday and the sun is shining, and instead of locked in the house with my brand new Satellite system. I am going to have to go out and pick up all these wet, half decayed leaves. What the fuck? Fuck that. I used to live in a small town where we could just pile this shit up, throw some gasoline on it, and light the fucker. MMM…not a bad idea at all. If my grenades were in, I could just toss one over there, instead I'm gonna go siphon some gas from my neighbors car and light this shit up. See how they like my afternoon bombfire.

Downs

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