OK that comment is a bit of a joke. I do know we need banks. I understand that we need a place to exchange and hold our currency. But do they have to be such fucking assholes about it?

I mean IT'S MY FUCKING MONEY.

My last job used to pay us by cheque. Yes I know. Like wake up and join the 20th century Ted. (Just kidding love ya big guy.) However, I cashed a cheque once and it bounced. Which is the biggest crime you can commit in the banking community. And a huge embarrassment if it ever happens. Not like I know personally. SO my ability to cash paychecks and immediately take that money out was suspended. Well FUCK. Now I am in some trouble. SO I make my way down to the bank. Trying to get there and back while on my lunch hour. Which is the stupidest thing I've ever done.

First off the line up is like fucking incredible. I mean I'm thinking maybe Bon Jovi is in the mall. But no, there are plenty of people just like me. Trying to get their fucking money.

SO I eventually get to be the person who gets the next available teller. Have you ever stood there? Trying to make sure you see the teller as soon as they are available. Lest you look like a total idiot. Like the guy who just went in front of me. Staring around looking at who knows what. I eventually had to clear my throat to get him to move.

My little light comes on instructing me to go to the right. I make my way to his little cubby hole there and see my customer service representative. This guy decided to count other peoples money for a living. So Mark who seems a little too eager to help me, ask me what's wrong. So I go into my 10 minute diatribe about how I need to cash my paycheck and I only bounced like 1 check man. Then he tells me that unfortunately he doesn't have the ability to make that change. Ok. Could I please see someone who holds these mystical powers. SO Now Mr. Threepiecesuit comes over. Now we are getting somewhere. I launch into my narrative now including Mark who does not have the ability to make that change. I ask what sort of power he wielded over this peon and he told me he was trained in advanced bank management. Excellent! Then I can assume you can help me. Yes he said. Since this is a paycheck we can put it right through. That's our policy. Well fuck me. Why doesn't Mark know that?

"So next week when I come back and I going to have the same problem?"

"No this is our policy you won't have a problem"

You can image my displeasure 2 weeks later when Denise didn't have the ability to make that change. I tell you one day I just want to grab one of those tellers by the scruff of the neck and yell "Take the FUCKING Advanced banking course"

This past Saturday night I was at a bank machine, the line was pretty long, a good 10 people waiting. I figured if I was lucky some couple would get in a fight for me to watch until it was my turn. Then suddenly to my surprise the guy at the machine said that the TD bank systems were down and that no one with a TD bankcard could get any money. Well fuck me. I am now first in line.

But can you image, you have your date out for dinner and you can't get cash? What if your credit card is with the same bank? You my friend are fucked. Why do we have to rely so much on banks? We work for that fucking money. How about you let us have it when the fuck we want it?

I want to start a new bank chain. With no fucking tellers. Fuck that. Everything is either done over the phone or over the internet. You give us money. We hold it. We don't go fucking invest it. We hold it. We charge you $0.10 on the 100. You want some cash, you go to a machine and your balance says you have it. We give it to you.

BAM! You have a new business.

And you know what the fuck I'm going to call it?

"It's your fucking money!"

Downs

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