My Favourite Email
One of the joys of being a world-renowned web columnist has got to be the veritable tonnage of email I receive on a daily basis. Many of you hardened Boldopinionites would probably assume that the most arduous part of my day would be finding the inspirational mustard and mayonnaise to add flavour to that internet sandwich known as my weekly column. But you would be wrong! As much as finding those "diamond in the rough" topics can be a bit difficult at times my biggest challenge since I began writing for this website has been dealing with your email responses. I only have to write one column a week, but the email knows no such boundaries. It never stops. Do you remember that scene from that famous Christmas movie, "Miracle On 34th Street?" You know the one where the lawyer defending Santa Claus asks for all the letters written to him be brought into the courtroom and then sack after sack of letters are piled on top of the judge's desk? That's a perfect example of my week. Every morning I come into the office, push the send/receive button on my electronic mail program and watch as the number of new emails received climbs like a Labour Day telethon tote board. As a dedicated internet scribe it is my duty to read and respond to each and every single one of them. Yes, every single one. Far be it from me to refute the sacred oath I took upon graduation from Web Columning College.

"…and as a newly designated world-renowned web columnist, I solemnly swear to answer each and every email I receive in a personable and amicable manner. Upholding the precious relationship between columnist and reader at no cost. I promise to let no pornography websites or file sharing program distract me from this task. This I pledge."

So here I sit, answering your emails as quickly and efficiently as possible. As you can imagine the variety of emails I receive range from the complimentary to extreme disgust. Some are proposals of discreet personal meetings in airport strip motel rooms that have coin-operated beds. Others are from amateur columnists begging for a spot on our "traffic enhancing" link page. But recently I received an email that for some reason intrigued me. It was unlike many of the gushing, positive responses I normally receive. This was different. Let me paste it below so you know what I'm talking about.

To: Christian@boldopinion.com
From: MABAM1@*******.com

Subject: (no subject)

you suck


How very mysterious! Never have I received an email that has been so succinct, yet so ambiguous in content. I suck. Questions begin to enter my mind. What exactly is MABAM1 referring to? Is there something in particular that this person finds to be sucking? Was it a negative reaction to one of my columns I wrote? Maybe I can find a clue if I read it again. you suck. Nope. Doesn't seem to be a clue there. Generally when people respond to one of my columns, they give some kind of written clue to which article that inspired them to respond. In this case there doesn't seem to be one. Hmmmm. Maybe MABAM1 is making an overall judgment of me personally? But how could that be? I don't know any MABAM1's. I know some GRKLOKS3's and some BLDKR4342's but I don't recall any MABAM1's. With every investigative step I take the mystery becomes harder to solve. Could this be a commentary of my columns in general? How disappointing would that be? Maybe MABAM1 invested a serious amount of personal effort to read each and every single on of my articles. Finally after numerous hours of mental and physical exhaustion MABAM1 was only able to muster enough energy to type out such a concise reply and then collapsed onto his/her keyboard. MABAM1! I understand passionate dedication to our website, but please pace yourself! The last thing I would ever want is for one of our faithful readers to physically injure themselves in the pursuit of free speech. In fact let me officially make this statement to all of our readers. We here at the offices of BoldOpinion.com are dedicated to providing our own special voice on the World Wide Web. But most importantly we are a providing a place to hear your voice as well. But whatever you do, please exercise caution when submitting your responses. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. Take extra special care because we like hearing from you. We need you and most of all we…love…you. Get better soon MABAM1. Our prayers are with you.

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or mail to:christian@boldopinion.com

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