Dear Dr. Know,
Like many women, my letter begins this way: there's this guy…. Here's the story: I was involved in a light relationship with "Steve" for a while, and then each of us moved on to other involvements. Neither of those worked out, so we've hooked back up. We actually never stopped talking, which was weird for me as I've never before managed to maintain any sort of friendship with a man I'd been intimate with. Now we see each other pretty regularly (at least once a week), and talk on most days. And although the sex is great, I don't think that's the only reason we're together - we share a lot of interests and have a really good time together without it.
Here's my problem: how do I know if he's a real relationship or if we're just killing time? And how do I know if I'm someone he really cares about or if I'm just a substitute until the next interest comes along? I've never been involved with someone "unofficially" but with this intensity. How do I figure out what's going on?
I'm a bit confused and could use your help.
Signed,
In Relationship Limbo
Dearest Relationship Bimbo *errrr* Limbo,Have you even read my column before? I am extremely happy that you've decided to bless me with your pitiful little story. But, come on Relationship; you need to open your eyes a bit wider. I have been nice up until now, at least as nice as I possibly can be. The first step you need to take is ASK STEVE. There, that's not that hard now is it?
Based on your email, you have some feelings that stretch beyond the F*&K buddy relationship. You question me as to whether I 'understand' Steve and his be all, end all designs for you two. Well, sounds like you and Steve need to try entering into a girlfriend/boyfriend thing and test it out from there. I don't like baby stepping readers into relationships, but sometime I just have to. Sometimes the little people need a hand from the all knowing, all seeing, master of stuff about stuff - Me.
This week, I am going to make some demands on your Relationship. Not just your everyday, average advice columnist I'm going to give you 2 options on turning this into what you want. Even if you don't know what you want at this stage.
You sound unsure about what you want...'And although the sex is great, I don't think that's the only reason we're together - we share a lot of interests and have a really good time together without it'. The sex is great and that would be a bad thing to lose, the friendship is also great and that would be a bad thing to lose as well. To find out how to make your next move; read on, Mac Duff.
To test the strength of the relationship and the 'movability' of it to another level you have to be prepared to make a sacrifice. You can either; come right out and say it or use your wiley female ways to trick it out of him, this way he'll never be the wiser. Obviously, I (and this website...*damn lawyers*) do not condone trickery, deceit, delusion, gullery, slight of hand, the boiling of rabbits, the kidnapping of friends, family or his favorite T-shirt. Now that the legal mumbo-jumbo is out of the way, below you will find Option One and Option Two spelled out for you.
Option One
ASK HIM HIS FEELINGS - As I said before, the easiest way to get an answer. IF he wants a relationship he'll tell you IF he sees you as a F*&K buddy he'll tell you. Probably using nicer words than those.
The few drawbacks to this plan are:
- He does love you and you don't love him.
- The sex may end if he feels you are getting to close.
- If he is slime he may lie to continue having sex (so, guard your grill girl...).It's time for another fun, frolicking episode of 'Get What You Want the Sneaky Way, and without getting publicly embarrassed', TM and Copyright, Dr. Know Incorporated a World Co. subsidiary.
Option Two
Send flowers to his work, from 'an admirer'. Do this a few times, not too much. He will start wracking his brain to come up with whom they could be from. You will use his next actions to decipher what he really thinks about your relationship. Here are a few examples:
- He tells you about it and outright asks if it's you. Play your answer by ear but understand that this is a sign he sees you as a potential g/f or a potential stalker.
- He does not tell you about it at all. This is a sign you are a F*&K buddy first and probably only. Not only does he not see you as a viable option, he is keeping it from you because it may lead to someone better.
- He tells you about it and asks your opinion about who it possibly could be. In this case, you are a F*&K buddy, deal with it.There you go. Both options may bring to light the true destiny of your relationship. Option one may lead to embarrassment, Option Two may lead to guilt. Which way are you prepared to go?
Set 'em Up, Knock 'em Down.
Dr. Know
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