Good Doctor,
I need some advice, now I don't want to name names, but my wife - lets call her Jana...and we'll call me, ummm, Mark...my wife, she is pregnant. And I'm a little unsure what the best method is to tell our friends, with their immense respect for us and our gargantuan egos, our upper class mentality and four eyes...we have grown concerned because the other good doctor (you know, a real one) indicated that the first three months of any pregnancy can be tumultuous, and once you are past the first trimester it is safe to assume that there will not be immense issues with this pregnancy, and hence at that time it would be a more appropriate to tell everyone. Jana, as I like to call her is only 8 weeks pregnant, and we haven't any willpower whatsoever, we simply can't wait another month to tell people.
Given the doc's advice, we have been reluctant to spread the word; however we are finding it very difficult to not spread the word all over and paint the town. We are concerned that some feelings might be hurt if we fail to inform someone as promptly as others. And how does one happy couple broadcast such an event, face to face? On the phone? That thing they have on computers now, the Internet? How do we ensure we disseminate the information in a manner that no one is offended? How can we apologize to our friends for recently missing several events?
But I guess the most pressing issue here is, is it acceptable to solicit sex from hookers when you wife becomes huge and 8 months pregnant?
PS - does Dr. Know have any advice on baby names? Please don't say a boyish name like Jason or a girlish name like Blair. We want a fancy name that will distinguish this child, a manly name like Lance, or Geraldo. Whatever, thanks you advice is much appreciated.
Name and Address Withheld
Markham
HA!A 'real' Doctor, what do they know? In fact, I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. You have a problem, come over to BOLD, we can hook you up. To anything you want.
It's point form answers this week, so to accommodate the infamous Dr. Know Christmas list but I will give you the straight dope (the wiiizeeed is in the mail).
So, you are in that utmost of sensitive times, deciding when to tell the masses about the pregnancy.
- Whatever you do, don't send a thinly veiled email to a prominent web site in attempt to use it as a forum to announce your wonderful news.
- It is completely acceptable to solicit sex from hookers (or anyone else for that matter) while your wife is pregnant. Tell them the K to the N to the O to the W sent you.
- Name suggestions as follows:
If it's a girl; Know. If it's a boy; Know.
Think about it, not as tried and true as some others, but the most original, and sexy name ever.
- By the way, your wife's boobies will get bigger. Nice.Now on to the promised Christmas list, one that is both affordable and expensive while at the same time giving, to myself as well as the giver. Ain't nothing better than giving, I should know I've been giving to you ingrates all my life in dispensing heartwarming and substance filled advice, now it's your turn to give back to the Doctor. What do you give the one that has it all, here are some suggestions*.
- New York (Lock, Stock and Barrel)
- A shiny piece of metal on a string (I have fun looking at it)
- A Space Ship with Time Travel capabilities (For obvious reasons)
- A pack of matches (the ones that light anywhere please)
- A constant link on Fark.com
- The Twelve Tribes of Joseph
- The demise of McDonald'sSo there you go, taking a cue from other greedy web sites (who will remain nameless), that's my Christmas list. If you are unable to locate one or more of these, do not fret, fidget or become flighty. Just deliver the only gift I really want, Peace on Earth and Goodwill to All.
Dr. Know, means know goddammit!Oh yea, congrats the nameless couple up there.
* For delivery information please email drknow@boldopinion.com
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