Well Doc, I don't know how much you really know, but what I need from you is some brutal honesty. Here is my conundrum, I have been working for the same company for the past three years and I am a very valuable member of my department. I recently had my year end evaluation (anniversary of the month I was hired) and during my meeting with a superior I was presented with a very exciting opportunity.
A third level manager at my company (one level from the top dogs) is leaving to pursue another job opportunity and I was offered his job with one very disturbing stipulation. The manager that is in charge of the hiring says that the job is mine if I orally pleasure him, quite obviously he is gay. Now this is where you come in, any other advice columnist would hide behind lies and say that no amount of money is enough, but lets be real, everybody has a price that would get them on their knees to smoke some pole, whether they admit it or not.
You seem like a regular guy, so I am hoping you will give some HONEST advice. The new title I would be swallowing for would increase my base salary by about $30,000, add in profit sharing and incentives and its closer to about a $50, 000 increase in salary. Now I don't know about you, but that's a lot of bucks for 5 minutes of absolute repugnance.
I'm not worried about doing the deed and then having the guy renege, I have myself covered that way, its just a matter of forcing myself to do it. Also I think it is important to add that this would be a one time event only as the person who has presented the offer to me will have absolutely nothing to do with me once I am hired. So what do you think, what is the magical number that it would take you to smoke some pole, and remember, I don't need you to hide behind some macho facade, I need some really advice, so please give me a pearl of wisdom I can use in this very disturbing yet potentially profitable situation.
Sincerely
Stuck between a rock and a hard on.
Stuck,Some would think you're not stuck at all. In Hollywood it's a normal happening to bend over for the boss (male/female, whatever). So hey, if you can get your head around it, or lips in your case - go for it. It may just lead you to a new lifestyle - and that always makes for fun.
You want some honesty, here goes.
1. People have done crazier shit for a raise. I know a few of 'em.
2. You boss said nothing about swallowing, yet you seem prepared to do this.
3. The guy won't stop; if you think he will, you're insane.
4. $50,000 is a lot of bananas.
5. I asked four strangers on the street, and they wouldn't do it for less than $100,000 raise and a guaranteed contract.
6. I heard it's really good for the skin.
7. A week's supply of protein in 10 minutes.
8. Four tips - Watch the teeth, Act like you like it, Be firm and Use your hands.
9. After you've done the deed say, 'Let's pop my cherry next'.
10. Thanks for writing in and making my job easier this week.
Dr. Know way am I doing that.
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