Thanks Michael,
I was hoping to find some words of encouragement when reading your "opinion."
I always like to get a man's opinion!
This is my situation: I have a male friend at work who I've gotten to know during the past year and a half. Lately I've been thinking that I would like to get to know him, or be closer friends, than just a work. According to your opinion, that would be a bad move. I am married with two kids, and he is single with one daughter.
I guess what I really want to know is if our friendship would grow and mature, or if it would become sexual as you suggested in you article.
I really think a lot of this person, he makes me feel comfortable and always makes me laugh.
This question kind of leads into another, my husband and I have a strong level of trust, but would my husband feel hurt if I had a close male friend?
What do you think? I don't know you, nor do I know if you will actually read this! What do I do?
MY THOUGHTS,
Cindy
Cindy,The Doctor is a man. And he's always up for some good ole advisin'.
Michael has been on location in Hollywood completing some research for his Tinseltown Mudslings. That one, he's off tripping to LA very much lately and unfortunately just doesn't have the time to dedicate and provide you with the answer you deserve. That also, just happens to be why I am here.
I am intrigued by your letter and have decided to intervene, before it gets any worse for you. I must apologize to the people whom have letters hanging around my inbox, but only one letter at a time folks and Cindy here needs some advice.
For the enlightenment of the few readers that haven't read the original commentary by Michael, you can bone up by reviewing it here. Then pop on back as I roast (suggest, I mean...suggest some things to Cindy).
Cindy you can start by showing your husband this email. Actually for all you know he's seen it already - as this is coming from his inbox (if you do start hanging around with your new buddy from work, I'd keep the love letters out of your husbands email box). Honesty will go a long way, tell your husband about your new friend.
I know that you make your own decisions but why not let your husband decide, bring your husband in on this one. Find a subtle way to have them meet. A good idea would be going to the well and trying a double date. Hmmm… the longer I think about this Cindy, it sounds weird. Like I could be giving you advice to get this person in your life for the wrong reasons.
Would it become sexual - if you let it, it will. The key point in Michael's article is ONE party always feels slightly different. This doesn't mean that it is always acted upon, in fact there are probably many friendships out there are completely platonic on the surface, but based on a sexual desire or attraction on one or both sides. Circumstances just don't allow that tension to be realized. For whatever reason. Platonic friendships are great but sometimes can be a slippery slope. If you enjoy your work associates company, by all means bring him into your life, just be cognicent of your husbands feelings in this world we call relationships. What can seem mostly harmless to one may not be to another.
And for gods sake, look at it from the other side. What if you heard from your husband 'out of the blue' "Oh, this Saturday Linda and I are going to the Museum, you remember Linda, I work with her, we are becoming quite close friends and I really want to get to know her outside of work. I mean, she makes me laugh ALL the time."
There, did that help make your decision.
I thought so.
Proceed with Caution.
Dr. Know
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