Dear Doc,

I've been dating this girl for a while, I like her but she's getting serious way fast. She's giving me a hard time about being late and shit...but not too often. I really like her but I'm a little freaked. I was looking for a more casual relationship or something a bit slower. Anyway my question is as follows: Is there a way to tell a girl you wanna slow it down without breaking up with her? Or without her kicking your sorry ass?

Thanks,
Ted
B.C. Canada

P.s. You rock.

Ted, thank you for the nice sentiments. I rock. Geez, no ones ever told me that before. I haven't even answered one of your questions yet.

*Begin inner monologue*
Wow, he thinks I rock, how cool is that? If I weren't already busy (like forever) I'd go to this B.C. Canada place and hang with him. Oh no, what happens if my number one fan doesn't like what I have to say about his miserable life? Will he stop reading? Will he go out and beat his 'girl' (like most men do when someone else steps on them)? I dunno. It doesn't matter, does it? Nah, just answer the joker's question.
*End inner monologue*

So Ted, you been seeing a girl and she is calling you out on being late and shit (it's nice when people define things for me - shit could mean your obsession with other women's huge breasts). But I won't point fingers or call names. I hardly know you.

What is your problem with time, Ted? Do you understand how a watch works? They have digital watches that print out the time on a little screen so you don't have to try and understand those weird numbers and three pointy things that keep moving around. You should try and pick up one of those.

Here is a nice indication of things. If you've had sex with her more than once, you should show up when you say you will. It's that simple. Being a few minutes late once or twice is no reason for anyone to get upset. If she is taking it a bit far and getting upset for what you consider no reason, she has her own problems. It's called high maintenance (covers a wide berth in the dating game, but very appropriate at this juncture). But if you are consistently late for a long period of time you should show her the respect she deserves and be timely.

If you have a job that makes it hard for you to meet a set time, let her know that. A little 'I can't guarantee me until at least 7', maybe you finish at 6 and have an hour to kill, so kill it. If you can't commit to anything than you deserve to wait that hour until the designated meeting time.

How do you tell a girl you want a casual relationship, take it slow but progress still? Sounds to me like you do like this girl. Then say just that. Say it carefully though. She may walk. 'Hey, I like you, I would like to spend some time with you and I possibly see a future with you. But I want to talk it slow'. 'I am not ready to jump into a relationship.' These words are most likely the truth as you feel it but sometimes they sound like 'I really don't like you, but I do like sleeping with you.' Or 'Can't we just have sex and hang out once in a while'. Two completely opposite viewpoints, guaranteed to be running through your mind and her mind respectively.

So here is what you do. If you like her enough and really would like to see if there could be a future you need to tell her this:

I would like to run my fingers through your silky flock of hair while we are drifting on a lake shimmering with the sunset just before I jump your bones back at the cottage.

Buddy, if you like her and want to continue with her.
Be on time.
Go at your own pace.
If you can't handle her pace tell her.
She can't handle your pace, and guess what, she told you.
You owe her that.
And most of all, be prepared to walk away from it.

Thinking about this may help sway your indecision.

 

Say it with me

Dr. Know

 

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