Question: Do you think that MOST guys don't even attempt having a close friend of the opposite sex (unless there's some initial attraction there first?)?
I mean I have to tell you and I'm sure you understand this, that when I heard "I just want to be friends" that was an ego-bust. At the VERY least I want to know if he was AT LEAST ATTRACTED TO ME? I mean he seemed to be by the way he would look at me and react to me and obviously he wanted to sleep with me cause he tried. (But then I've heard men can also sleep with someone they are not attracted to, or is that a MYTH?)
As a woman, I just would NEVER have hung around someone like he did me, if I wasn't interested or at least ATTRACTED to them?
To me (at least from my end) we had the best of two combinations. Not only did we LIKE each other and enjoy being around each other, we SEEMED to also be attracted to each other too? So with those two GREAT elements in place--then nothing?
Colson,
My fine, feathered colleague passed me your email, an interesting one it is.I would like to dedicate my column this week to you. Hope you're ready for it.
It's time to turn the microscope on the men for a little while, the never-ending question of that most horrible of all moves. Befriending a gal, just to get into her knickers. Does this happen? Well, I am sure it does. I have witnessed it but never on a purely using basis. It was more of a way to begin a relationship, not to get a fellas rocks off. The first problem you're having is basing the motives, desires, wants and needs of all men from a small sample. Unless you're Heidi Fleiss, you have no right to stereotype every male on the planet. So tell me, is it true that all girls are late, and own 600 pairs of shoes? *hrph* See how silly that is. Stereotyping is an awful thing, we should always be aware of what we're talking about before we speak.
Speaking of stereotyping, here I go.
Why don't you get off your high horse with the whole 'but then I've heard men can also sleep with someone they are not attracted to, or is that a MYTH?'. This is a generalization in itself, but let he who is without sin cast the first stone (see, god ain't so bad and no, I'm not going to capatilize god). I'm assuming your shit doesn't stink Colsen, am I right?
On to my suggestions to you; we have all heard the 'just want to be friends'; well, most people have. The gang at B-dot-O only say it, never do they hear it (if you kna' wha' I mean...). Most relationships on a platonic level are begun based on some sort of attraction. Whether that is 'she's funny', 'I like his attitude' or another.
The dictionary definition of attraction is: A feature or characteristic that attracts. Nowhere does it say, when you want to jump someone's bones. There is a fine line between the two, one can want to have sex with another, but be absolutely disgusted by their personality (read Britney Spears). In most relationships these first signs of magnetism are not completely physical. There is a sense of je ne sais quois that is driven into you by the other person. You are struck by it. You have no choice but to want more of it. This sometimes means you want sex with them right now, this sometimes means, you want to be around them more as a friend. The reality is, there is nothing more invigorating then friendship. True caring and emotional attachment exist without the baggage of a relationship. There are so many more little relationship idiosyncrasies when you're sexual charged. Honesty is true, but not completely, mind games of a sort usually come into play. Almost every 'happy' couple you come in contact with always say, 'we're best friends' and they are so happy when they say it, you want to punch them. This is based on truth, whether it begins as friendship or sexually charged energy it must move towards that or it will fall apart.
So to answer your question directly, I believe all people, both male and female base their close friendships of the opposite sex on some initial attraction. The slight variation on your idea being that not all attraction is sexual. That's that.
You should always look around and be able to say we would've been great. You will weight the friendship based on that, but would we have been great forever?
Is the relationship stronger as friends first or lovers first. That is a tough call. It makes you look at yourself and by questioning that you can't help but grow as a person.
So you got hit with 'just friends', who cares. How many people have you said that to?
Quoth the Doctor,
Never mind.Dr. Know
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