Get Them Down…Now!
*Sigh*. Let me type that in again one more time. *Sigh*. That's the noise I generally make when all the hoopla and hot cha cha of the holiday season is finally behind me. Another holiday extravaganza has come and gone and the only record of its existence is a recycling bin filled with multi-coloured wrapping paper and the still lingering twinge of pain in my noggin from drinking too much champagne on New Years. Once again things can get back to normal. Finally the world can get back to its daily grind and we can slowly make that uphill battle of financial recovery from the past season just in time for the next one. No more Christmas music. The eggnog has disappeared from supermarket shelves. Shopping mall Santa's can go back to their regular jobs such as…ummm…not dressing up like Santa. There is nothing left to remind us of those past festive weeks. Nope, not one single trace of evidence left that the holiday season even existed. Did Christmas even happen? Who can tell? I sure can't, cause there's nothing visible to remind me of it. Nothing at all. No, not a thing. *Sigh*. Except for that bastard across the street who still has that dancing robotic Santa still gyrating on his front lawn. Get that Santa off the lawn pal! It's January 6th for crying out loud! Get him off the lawn or mark my words, I'll make sure he never dances another holiday jitterbug ever again!

Nothing irks me more than to be driving through a residential neighbourhood and passing by those few select houses in the middle of January that still have those blasted red and green light bulbs blinking away. For some strange reason this methodical blinking is somehow transmitting a coded signal to my brain. Red…green…red…green…red… green…I'm lazy…I'll do it tomorrow…I'm lazy…I'll do it tomorrow. Who can think of a better way to tell the entire neighbourhood what a procrastinating boob you are than by not taking down your Christmas lights? In fact if you are actually too lazy to take them down, do me this one little favour, at least turn them off. Is it that difficult to flip a switch? I mean no one has a problem with removing their Christmas tree at the proper time. Of course maybe the fact that having a dead tree slowly turning brown in their family room is a bit of an incentive. But for some people it seems that once they clear out all the decorations from the inside of the house they forget the most important part, the outside of the house. See that wreath hanging on your front door? Take it down. All those pretty red ribbons tied around your beautiful hedges? Get em' out of here. Any inflatable snowmen or half assed cardboard cutouts of reindeer adorning your front lawn? Put them in the garage until next year. Because if you aren't going to do it, I swear I'm going to have to do it for you. I've already assembled a crack team of individuals who are more than happy to take care of this easily solved dilemma for you. Many of them are ex-mercenaries and former disgruntled postal workers who are eager to be part of such a righteous endeavor. If you still have anything resembling Christmas adorning the front of your house by February 1st I will not take responsibility for their actions. You have been warned.

Instead of making impossible New Years resolutions like "I'm going to lose weight" or "I promise to not to challenge my children to arm wrestling competitions when I'm drunk" try making this simple promise to yourself. I promise to remove all holiday decorations of any kind from the front of my house before the end of January. It's a simple promise and God knows you'll feel a hell of a lot better when it's done. You can walk out onto your freshly shoveled driveway, turn around, look at your house proudly and think, "My house is Christmas free…thank you BoldOpinion.com…thank you."

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