That's right I'm referring to the hell that we call grocery shopping. Every week or two we find ourselves having to enter this hell so we can eat for next while. What is it about grocery stores that make people completely lose their courtesy? I'm out there dodging and weaving through apparently blind people pushing 300 pounds of food on a wheeled cart of death…okay maybe not death, but it can sure hurt your ankles if they run into you.

I obviously haven't been doing the food shopping long enough to realize that letting people pass is totally wrong. You don't get extra points for being nice in this strange world. Everyone else has the old person driving mentality of 'look out I'm coming through' attitude. And funny enough it's not the men with shopping cart rage. In fact I think women have got this whole thing figured out and just like to see the men wandering around like a lost child.

I mean we plan, make notes, and even come up with routes in our heads before we enter these mammoth megastores and it's always the same thing when we get in side…total shut down of all senses. We wander up and down the aisles glass-eyed and stupid looking at all of the products. How many different brands of toilet paper do we need? Forget about squeezing the Charmin, I can't even find the right aisle. We can spend hours circling the store looking for all the items on our list and god forbid if you forgot one. Have you ever tried to figure out what you need at home while you're in the midst of this anarchy? Just pack it up and go home Mister. There seems to be no logic to our shopping and we as men take pride in our ability to get in and out as quickly as possible during any shopping experience. We go out to get pants and we're home in 20 minutes, send us to the store for a quart of milk, loaf of bread, and a stick of butter and you might as well send our picture in to missing persons.

Normally I try to shop for food at odd times to avoid the crazy, bloodthirsty crowds you find at the Loblaw's on the weekend. During these times it's almost tolerable but go out to get a few things during peak hours and your finished. It's like Christmas shopping all over again…go to your happy place, be your happy place. Something needs to be done. I don't know traffic lights or perhaps little shopping guides that can take you through there like Sherpas on a mountain. God I miss Grocery Gateway.

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