I Wear Condoms!
Name brands are important. You trust them. They comfort you. When you see them on the shelf at your local shopping locale you get a warm fuzzy feeling inside because you know that this particular product works for you and nothing else will do. Forget about all those other pretenders to the throne because they don't even compare to the majesty of your preferred brand. But there comes a certain point where brand dedication becomes a bit excessive. Where the company in question offers you apparel or other promotional products in the hopes of spreading the word to the masses. I understand advertising is important and promotional material in certain aspects has its proper place, but sometimes I really don't see the logic behind it.

Condoms. Yes, condoms. We all know what they do and we all know the vital role they serve in today's volatile sexual landscape. Now, when you think of a brand of condoms what is the first name that pops into your head? Trojan right? Of course it's got to be Trojan. The brand name Trojan is synonymous with the word condom. I've been a "Trojan Man" for many, many years. If I'm going to buy a raincoat to cover up the old Beefy McManstick it's going to be a Trojan. There's no way on this earth that my fleshy Winnebago will feel safe with any other product. In fact according to their website, the trusted Trojan company has been protecting Longrod Von Hugenstein for 80 years. 80 years! Wow that's quite a long time. It's been a trusted name for generations. I have an overwhelming confidence in their product and my mushroom-tipped love dart would wear no other brand. But did you know that the Trojan company offers other types of apparel other than sandwich wraps for the slippery love dolphin? Apparently they also have t-shirts, hats and, believe it or not…watches. Now I have to question this type of promotion. There are certain name brand products that I might wear a hat or t-shirt that brandishes their logo. Beer companies come to mind or particular rock and roll musical groups. But never in a million years would I even consider wearing a ball cap that has "Trojan Magnum-XL Extra-Large Brand Condoms" on the front of it. I don't think I would be comfortable walking around the church picnic with that firmly placed on the top of my head. Who in their right mind would even considering wearing a t-shirt that has the recognized Trojan logo pasted on the chest? What message are persons who sport the fashionable "Trojanwear" trying to send?

"Hello everyone I just wanted to let you all know that I am firm believer in the practice of safe sex and my brand of choice is Trojan! Also, I have an above average sized penis."

I want to meet the dumbass that walks around their workplace (employees of Trojan excluded) wearing the sporty Trojan watch.

"My god, would you look at the time! I'm running late! That reminds me I have to run to the store and pick up some condoms that are ribbed for her pleasure."

Certain products just should not be placed on a t-shirt. What would you think if you saw some fella walking down the street with the Viagra logo on their t-shirt? Or some lovely lady wearing a fanny pack with a feminine hygiene product logo on it? It's just not right. I have nothing against advertising on a broad based level, TV, radio, newspaper, whatever, but when certain types of products are marketed on a more personal level it just makes people look like clueless morons. Please leave your Preparation H t-shirts at home.


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