Bumbling Sports Team - They're wacky. They make a lot of mistakes. Yet somehow this group of players is able to participate in a professional sports league. Whether it be football, baseball, or basketball this gathering of misfits is going to prove to the world that they are a competent organization capable of going all the way in pursuit of whatever cup, bowl, or scepter they are striving to win. Throw in an evil owner, sassy commentators, disgruntled fans and a washed-up veteran coach and you've got the perfect recipe for laughter! You think they're going to win? Gee I don't know? They really seem to be getting their shit together in the last half hour since they've been drinking those experimental protein shakes and boogied on down in that Motown dance number. I think they're gonna make it! Do me a favour Hollywood, surprise me. Have this team get their asses kicked in the first round of the playoffs.
Cop/Buddy Flicks - He's a pacifist and he's a cop that doesn't play by the rules. But together this modern day odd couple is going to bring down that international cartel/drug smugglers/terrorists/white supremacists in a heartbeat! Their constant bickering and lack of proper procedure can only work for them as they make the bad guys feel the cold hard fist of…justice. They're totally outnumbered, have suffered wounds that no mortal man can survive and on top of all that he's sleeping with his partners daughter! It's only logical that crime will pay.
When Animals Attack - It sure is peaceful around here. Boy I sure hope nothing interferes with our efforts to do that thing we talked about endlessly at the beginning of the movie, it would sure make things a lot more difficult. I'm sure those persistent words of warning by the local townspeople are totally unfounded. Anyway lets get back to work! Hey, did you hear something? It must have been the wind. Ohmigod, were being attacked by gigantic snake/fish/garden gnome! Well as long as we all stick together as a team and are not systematically picked off one by one we will endeavor to survive this crisis. Jimmy? Wealthy philanthropist? Mortally wounded scientist? Anybody? Looks like I'm all alone. There could be no possible way I could finish off this menace by myself. If I only had a gigantic weapon that I could barely lift up to battle this troublesome beast.
Crusty, Old Dean - In the entire history of cinema I don't think there has ever been a film made where the Dean of a university has ever been portrayed as a sympathetic character. I challenge you to name one film where the head of a university has not been portrayed as a evil, conniving, merciless adversary to the protagonists of the film. "What's that fellas? You say that your rival fraternity placed super glue in all of your under garments for no good reason? Well let me just fill out all the proper paperwork to get them all expelled. Oh and here, bring this form to the school nurse so you can get the proper ointment to relieve your pain. Man do I hate those stuffed shirt bastards from Omega house! Good luck with your studies."
Submarine Movies - I can honestly say that we do not need another movie that takes place in a submarine. The perfect movie has already been made, it's called "Das Boot", and we don't need any others. Trust me. How much more innovative can we make this genre? They're all the same. A single submarine filled with a bunch of sweaty guys in their undershirts on a top secret mission. Suddenly they're surrounded by the enemy and have taken some critical hits. There's water leaking all over the place, the engine master is having an epileptic seizure trying to fix their insurmountable problems and the captain is constantly rubbing his head in frustration for the last hour. What are they going to do? How will they win? Wait a minute, there's one last thing we haven't tried, it's kinda crazy but it just might work! Lord help me, there's no way that can work! They don't have a chance in hell! They're visiting Davy Jones's Locker for sure! Or will they…
This is only a small sample of some of those tried
and true formulas and themes that constantly rise from the dead and resurface
in the latest Hollywood blockbusters. Will we see them again? I can pretty
much garun-damn-tee it. But here's hoping that through this website we
will be able to expose Hollywood for the charlatans that they are. Prove
to them that we, the modern day cinema fan, know their game and will make
efforts to come up with more original content. I challenge you BoldOpinionites
to give me more! What have I missed? Email me with those recycled Hollywood
formulas and themes I have failed to mention. The reader spotlight is
yours for the taking! It is my dream that one day, a Hollywood producer
pitching his Godzilla cop- buddy movie will come across this website and
say, "They know our secrets! Damn you Bold Opinion! Damn you to hell!"
Lets do it for the children.
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