O Canada! Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see viruses rise,
The True North, strong and scary
From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land, glorious
and SARS, West Nile, Mad Cow and E.coli free!
O Canada, we're scared shitless for thee.
O Canada, we're scared shitless for thee.

Who the hell did Canada piss off? This isn't still about the whole Celine Dion thing is it? Is it just me or is Canada suffering from some seriously bad karma lately? Honestly, did we offend the big guy upstairs or what? Yo mighty creator, it's your second favourite son Michael here, (he always liked Jesus more than me even though he doesn't like to admit it) if you can hear me, please find it in your infinite way to lighten up on poor Canada. God, let me be the first to say for whatever we may have done, we are truly, truly sorry. Have things been going too well for the great white north that it was time to balance the good with the bad? I mean we did choose to not get involved with the war in Iraq, our usually crappy dollar did improve significantly within recent months and we did give the world Avril Lavigne, perhaps this is the universes way of playing even steven on a cosmic scale. Were we due for some dark times?

Dark times indeed…

It seems in the past few months Canada has been repeatedly bombarded with terrible sicknesses and viruses, one after the other. First SARS, than West Nile, Mad Cow and now E.coli? Remember E.coli? Well, it's back. In addition to all the other scares across the nation, it was recently reported that an outbreak of the E.coli virus struck students and staff attending a Mississauga, Ontario high school prom. What gives? Where are we? How many viral outbreaks can happen to the same Country? This is becoming an event of biblical proportions. What is next? Swarms of locusts or frogs raining from the sky? Just one of these viruses is enough to put a nation in panic but all four at once? This is getting ridiculous. People are scared to eat meat, get bit my mosquitoes, and literally just to come in contact with another person. As for our reputation worldwide, forget about it, travelers are scared witless to visit thanks to the sensationalizing the media has done with these stories. And as for us, I think Canadians are numb with the amount of bad news that has befallen their great borders. Like most, to me it almost doesn't seem real.

Now I understand that every country has their fair share of doom and gloom and most of these Canadian health scare incidents at this point have been blown out of proportion somewhat. But it sure does seem like someone has it out for good ol' Canada. This is a serious dose of bad luck on a national scale. Hmm…Perhaps some evil dictator or anti-Canadian terrorist cell has put a voodoo curse on us. Yeah, that seems possible. I can imagine they've constructed the voodoo doll out of a Labatts Blue beer bottle crafted with a Leafs jersey and a toque on it. We need to look into this! Can someone get on this investigation please? People, alert the Mounties!

…but that's just my opinion.

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